Families should treat each other with love and understanding
"Love is patient and kind … it is not rude or unmannerly."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4,5 (AMP)
Many of us enjoy the idea of family legacies being passed down, such as a legacy of some great deed an ancestor has done or an inheritance of mementos or money that gets handed through the generations.
But most of our inheritances should be of greater concern to us because they are ones of habits, attitudes, beliefs, perceptions and patterns that are handed down through our parents and grandparents and shape our thinking and beliefs.
Sometimes they can be good. Oftentimes, they can be destructive and extremely dysfunctional, creating chaos and drama in our lives.
Many people understand that the word dysfunction means messed-up - not functioning in a healthy manner. We are familiar with the family patterns such as divorce, alcohol, anger, violence, mental illness and infidelity that cause lack of trust and harmony in our homes. But there are also subtle dysfunctional sins that are equally destructive.
Carrying a chip on our shoulders makes us bitter and difficult to live with. Wrong perceptions and closed mindedness can cloud our understanding. Insecurity makes us defensive or over sensitive. Masking feelings of guilt, shame with busyness, drugs or alcohol hurts us rather than helps us.
Our finger pointing and lashing out doesn't help the situation or make the issue go away.
A family should create an environment where each person feels important. A household should nurture and listen to each other, not withhold love as a punishment (Love is patient and kind).
Love confronts an issue, but it does it with the interest to help the other person. A healthy family should seek to understand and establish healthy boundaries and rules that are good for everyone.
Dealing with our dysfunctions can cause great pain, guilt and anger, or sadness. Allowing God's love to help us receive forgiveness and grow past the hurt and pain can bring function and create peace.
Establishing some goals and starting the year with a Bible study can be a start toward a healthy, new life.
• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She is available to speak at your church or group. She can be contacted at (847) 543-8413; P.O. Box 532 Grayslake, IL 60030; or Annetteebudzban@aol.com.