Bears finally catch on to age-old idea

Watching the Bears the other night was another indication of how Chicago sports inflicts fans with a bad case of the what-took-so-longs?

Yes, the whole world has the same problem in these times of instant this and microwaved that.

What's taking so long to get out of Iraq? What's taking so long for the government to fix Social Security? What's taking so long for Britney Spears to reach the age of reason?

But none of those is as magnified on a daily basis as sports issues around here are.

Like, what took so long for the Cubs to surround veteran players with productive youngsters?

What took so long for the White Sox to rip out those hideous blue seats in the latest Comiskey Park?

And what took the Bears so long to not only acquire tight ends and actually, finally, mercifully throw the ball to them?

Rookie Greg Olsen and veteran Desmond Clark combined for 7 catches and 119 receiving yards for an average of 17 yards per catch in Green Bay on Sunday night.

The Bears have had entire seasons in which their tight ends didn't record 7 catches, 119 receiving yards and a 17-yard average.

Meanwhile, other teams had no trouble putting up those numbers. Some had sleek tight ends split wide. Others had chunky tight ends sneaking into the secondary. Still others were hybrids.

A year ago this time I was so impatient with the Bears' approach to the position I was going to conduct a "Colbert Report" type interview with Bears general manager Jerry Angelo.

Sir, did you have a bad experience with tight ends during your childhood? How long do you anticipate it will take you to outlaw the position in the NFL? Why do you hate Mike Ditka?

It was an attempt to laugh to keep from crying.

The concept of high-flying tight ends is at once so simple for other teams and so complicated for the Bears.

So simple because there isn't a lot to it other than drafting a big, fast athlete like Greg Olsen, designing plays for him and finally putting them into action.

So complicated because IT TOOK A HUNDRED MILLION FREAKING YEARS FOR THE BEARS TO DO IT!!!

Seriously, what took so long?

Waiting for the Bears to receive contributions from their tight ends has been like waiting 99 years for the Cubs to win a World Series, or at least 46 years for the Blackhawks to win a Stanley Cup (1961, the year Ditka was drafted).

Bears fans were as grateful for the performances of Olsen and Clark against the Packers as Sox fans were for their first world championship in 88 years.

The same question applies to both: What took so long?

Ditka, who played in the Dark Ages like a Neanderthal in the most complimentary sense of the word, was the Bears' last tight end of note.

Maybe the Bears were waiting for him to have an even hundred hip replacements before finally replacing him.

Hey, Iron Mike, what took so long to hit triple digits?

Anyway, apparently good things come in bunches to those who wait, because the other night the Bears threw downfield to not one but two tight ends.

It looked so easy, really, an uncomplicated game of pitch and catch.

So, fellas, what took so long?