Century? That's no wait at all

Boy, time sure does fly when you're having a frustrating time.

Before you know it, 2108 will be here and the Cubs will commemorate their 200th season without a world championship.

"Rocky 43" will play in a theater near you. George HWHWHW Bush will run for president against Rodham Q. Clinton V. The Cover 11 defense will be all the rage in the NFL

In 2108, the Cubs will win a weak division, be swept out of the playoffs' first round, and insist they had a successful season.

A baby born today will still be crying after being baptized into the 24-hour Church of the Wilting Ivy.

A White Sox fan will taunt a Cubs fan on the next barstool and World War XX will break out.

Can't you can feel it in your marrow, Cubs fans, just as you can feel next year's 100th Year of Mourning approaching?

Time will be cheap in 2108. The average American life span will be 325 years. Nobody will think anything of it when a Cubs fan says, "Wait 'til next millennium."

Longtime Cubs television play-by-play man Len Kasper will become famous for saying, "Anybody can have two bad centuries."

The United States will have colonies on all 50 planets and Wrigleyville residents will whine, "Sheesh, we can put a man on Uranus, but the Cubs can't win a World Series."

Others will say, "Gosh, we can build a car that gets a million miles to a sheet of toilet paper, but the Cubs can't win a World Series."

Others will say, "My goodness, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands and Barry Bonds' head can be granted statehood, but the Cubs can't win a World Series.

One year Saskatoon will beat the Cubs out of the Western Hemisphere North title. Another year Kabul will sweep the Cubs in the first round of the playoffs. Another year Darfur will eliminate the Cubs just five outs from the World Series.

So it will go and go and go … one year will become another and another and another … the Cubs will try and try and try again … stuff will happen to them and happen to them and happen to them …

White Sox, Cardinals and Brewers archaeologists will travel to all corners of the universe to discover ungodly artifacts to haunt the Cubs.

By 2108, an entirely new collection of curses, hexes and jinxes -- ones nobody today could imagine -- will conspire to keep the Cubs from winning a world championship.

Foremost will be the bones of a restaurateur's pet dinosaur that security guards wouldn't allow into the ballpark the last time the Cubs won the World Series.

Included will be the black cat dyed reddish brown that Ron Santo wore as a hairpiece, the Adam's apple Alex Gonzalez gagged on while booting that infamous double play ball and the torn rotator cuff handed down from Cubs pitching phenom to Cubs pitching phenom.

In 2108, a mass marriage ceremony will be conducted at home plate for all the men who insisted they would put off their wedding day until the Cubs won a World Series.

"I give up," the grooms will say.

"I do," their brides will say.

In 2208 they'll celebrate their 100th anniversary and mourn the Cubs' third insufferable century without a world championship.

mimrem@dailyherald.com