The standard script for candidates

The way things are going I expect someone could do quite well and perhaps even get elected if they would run on the following platform: My name is So and So, I am running for Congress/Senate. My record is basically nonexistent so you can't hold me responsible or blame me for anything that has gone wrong up to this point in time. If elected I promise to show up most of the time and more or less pay attention. But more than this I promise to not do anything. I'll simply vote "present" on everything. Furthermore I give you my word that I will not come up with any brilliant ideas like homeownership for everyone regardless of their credit history or a health care system run by an organization that couldn't turn a profit on parcel and letter delivery even when they had a monopoly. I promise not to show up at parades with a fake smile or give speeches that are less sincere then that sign that says "Thank you for using the Illinois Tollway." I was asked the other day why I wanted to serve? It's the money, it isn't professional athlete or rock star money but it isn't too bad and the pension and benefits are unbelievable. Lastly I promise I will never lie to you. - This of course means you won't be hearing from very often if at all. I am So and So and I approve this message unless it offends anyone in which case I will claim no knowledge of it and fire someone who works for my campaign, thank you.

Marc Thomsen

Elk Grove Village