Animated prequel an inferior clone of a real 'Star Wars' film

If George Lucas' new feature "Clone Wars" were only a 98-minute teaser for the new "Star Wars" animated TV series premiering Oct. 3 on the Cartoon Network, it would just be overkill.

As a full-fledged "Star Wars" feature film, it's a disaster. A shambles. A giant gondark dropping.

"Clone Wars" can charitably be compared to a manga video game-inspired Saturday morning cartoon TV show. But this isn't any ordinary TV cartoon show. It's a "Star Wars" movie!

Except it's not. Not really.

John Williams' signature score is gone, save for a few familiar themes stuffed inside Kevin Kiner's relentlessly nudging music.

"Clone Wars" possesses little of the character depth, plot twists and clever humor that characterized the three original "Star Wars" movies and, to a far lesser extent, the three disappointing prequels following. This shallow, insipid new movie shouldn't even be called a clone of a "Star Wars" movie, for it doesn't feel, sound or even look like one.

How could any true "Star Wars" fan wade through some of the dialogue in this film without wincing? Especially when one character actually says, "Oh, Sweetums! Here are some yum-yums for you!"

That comes from Ahsoka Tano, an adolescent Padawan apprentice who tags along with a young Anakin Skywalker, trading barbs and insults with the flustered Jedi warrior as they take on battalions of destructive droids. She calls him "Sky Guy" and he calls her "Snips." For them, galactical conflict is merely a backdrop for adolescent sniping.

"Clone Wars" takes place somewhere between "Episode II: Attack of the Clones" and "Episode III: Revenge of the Sith." Skywalker (Luke's eventual daddy and Darth-Vader-in-waiting) and his Jedi mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi are working with the Knights to defend the disintegrating Republic from an invasion by Count Dooku's forces.

In what passes for a plot, the Jedis must rescue Jabba the Hutt's wormy offspring, a huttlett that Ahsoka Tano calls "Stinky." The little slug has been kidnapped by Dooku's forces. The Jedis need Jabba's help in their fight. Rescuing Jabba's kid might make the difference.

With this loose plot device in place, the filmmakers - led by director Dave Filoni, formerly of a Nickelodeon animated series - fill the screen with explosions, quick cuts, gymnastic camera angles and barrages of PG-level violence as "Clone Wars" mounts a major battle sequence every 10 minutes.

The effect is numbing and dumbing, especially when supposedly wise Obi-Wan and Anakin don't think twice about sending young Ahsoka on a mission behind enemy lines to destroy an enemy force field. Wait! Isn't Ahsoka a kid intern? Isn't it just a little irresponsible to send an inexperienced Padawan into the field?

That would be the old "Star Wars" thinking. The new "Clone Wars" thinking imagines that the movie will capture the attention (and tickets) of young girls worldwide if it caters to their demographic by plugging a sassy, surprisingly competent teenager into the story, regardless of how much common sense is sacrificed.

Only three "Star Wars" actors supply voices to animated characters here. Samuel L. Jackson returns as Jedi knight Mace Windu. Anthony Daniels makes a welcome appearance as C3PO. Christopher Lee voices the menacing Count Dooku. All the other voice talents are serviceable, but unremarkable, except for Corey Burton, who makes Jabba's corrupt uncle Ziro the Hutt sound like Truman Capote channeling Sidney Greenstreet.

In the famous space crawl at the start of the original "Star Wars" in 1977, George Lucas laid out a succinct history of the entire Jedi universe up to the point where "Episode IV" begins.

We got it. We didn't need to know any more in order to understand and enjoy that movie and its sequels. Yet, instead of continuing the "Star Wars" saga into its future, Lucas has opted to fixate on its past, retelling events we already know about and filling in narrative blanks that nobody really needed to have filled in.

With "Clone Wars," Lucas continues to plunder the past of his own imagination at a great cost: the integrity and magic of his original "Star Wars" trilogy.

But then, Lucas did authorize the insanely lame "Star Wars Holiday Special," didn't he?

Clone Wars

One star (out of four)

Starring: (Voices) Matt Lanter, Ashley Eckstein, James Arnold Taylor, Dee Bradley Baker

Directed by: Dave Filoni

Other: A Warner Bros. release. Rated PG. 98 minutes.

<div class="infoBox"> <h1>More Coverage</h1> <div class="infoBoxContent"> <div class="infoArea"> <h2>Video</h2> <ul class="video"> <li><a href="/multimedia/?category=1&type=video&item=193">Dann Gire's video review of 'Clone Wars' </a></li> </ul> </div> </div> </div>