The right to bear parade blankets

Andy, Barney, Gomer, grab Opie, Aunt Bea, Thelma Lou and head for the hills. 'Cause we got TROUBLE, right here in River City! With a capital "T" that rhymes with "P" and that stands for Parkways.

The next thing you know we'll have "horse-race gamblin,' not a wholesome trottin' race, no! But a race where they set down right on the horse!

Friends, lemme tell you what I mean."

Headlines, TV news, Web sites and internet blogs Friday warned us of an Arlington Heights "Turf war for prime parade spots." The Chicago Tribune called it a "feeding frenzy." ABC (Channel 7) called it a "growing problem."

Fox News reported Arlington is facing "controversy and conflict." If CNN gets hold of the story, the promos will shout, "Pandemonium in the Parkways!" "Pre- Parade Panic Plagues Arlington Heights."

The Daily Herald quoted one nervous resident who said, "People will dash to save seats as soon as the ban expires and it could get dangerous."

"People are going be sitting in their cars waiting for 7 p.m. and then rush in all at once. It's going to be a mob scene."

Mob scene?

We need to nip this unneighborliness in the bud!

Just as 'the city' battles its gangbangers, the village must police these roving gangs of blanket-bangers.

What's next, cutting in line at the Jewel? Taking up two parking spots in the Arlington Town Square mini-lot?

The village's answer to these unruly residents, calling 'dibs' on parade patches was to declare a 7 p.m. start time for placement of place holders.

The Daily Herald quoted Mayor Mulder as saying, "I'm hopeful, very hopeful people will be respectful and honor their neighbors."

"People can behave; it's not something I want to legislate."

Well why not, mayor? This spring, the village board chose to amend the age-old practice of allowing only blankets, bedspreads, or old shower curtains in the grassy area nearest the stage at Frontier Days; lawn chairs were rightly restricted to behind the walkway.

This configuration made perfect sense. It allowed the chair people to sit comfortably and still see over the heads of the blanket brigade.

But the village board proclaimed that lawn chairs should now be allowed to commingle with blankets in front of the path.

What was the reasoning behind such a silly decision that will have chairs blocking blankets?

Was the change made because, with the possible exception of trustees Farwell and Scaletta, the board members are well past their groovin' in the grass days and need to be closer (in their lawn chairs) to see and hear the band?

I had to stop off at the library after work, and low and behold, there they were - blatant blanket-gangers!

By 6:05 p.m., four of 'em had already staked quilt claims just off the corner of Dunton at Euclid.

Sorry, mayor, some people just don't know how to behave.

Maybe we deserve to be legislated.

But fellow citizens take heart, the Supremes just threw out the Chicago gun ban and they most likely will also find an Arlington Heights blanket ban unconstitutional.

Although, since Arlington is a home-rule community, the court may not have jurisdiction.

But I am hopeful, very hopeful that they would uphold our right to bear blankets if we all behave.

Anola Stowick

Arlington Heights