Chan, Li combo only reason 'Kingdom' kicks
Just the idea that martial arts legends Jackie Chan and Jet Li would join forces in a single movie undoubtedly brought shivers of anticipation to action film fans around the globe.
But why did Chan and Li select Rob Minkoff's cheesy imitation of a traditional Chinese action movie to launch this momentous merger of their martial arts talents?
"The Forbidden Kingdom" is to chop-socky epics what "Alien Vs. Predator" was to horror movies. Not a historical meeting of genre titans, but a desperate union of two icons attempting to boost their bankability by teaming up.
Worse, "The Forbidden Kingdom" bends over backward so far to appeal to white, Western audiences that Mr. Fantastic's spine would snap.
The story begins in present-day Boston where a nerdy high school student and martial arts movie buff named Jason (Michael Angarano) frequents the dusty shop of an elderly Chinese proprietor named Old Hop (Chan in fairly convincing make-up).
Local toughs, resembling rejects from a "West Side Story" sequel, use Jason's friendship with Old Hop to break into his shop. During a robbery, they shoot him for kicks. Before he goes, Old Hop gives Jason a magic staff and makes him promise to return it to its rightful owner.
Jason barely has time to digest this obligation before he falls off a building and lands ker-plop! inexplicably in an ancient Chinese village where people greet him as if they see white, English-speaking Boston teens every day.
Jason discovers that his arrival has been foretold by ancient prophecy to be the savior of the land. All he must do is return the magic staff to the mythical Monkey King, who has been transformed into a stone statue by the ruthless Jade warlord (Collin Chou).
The comical Monkey King (Li in a rare light-hearted role) is the only person who can stop the Jade warlord, and he has no intention of letting the Monkey King recover his staff.
The Jade warlord dispatches a kazillion warriors to stop Jason from finding the Monkey King, among them a female assassin with long, white hair she whips around like a lethal bullwhip.
Jason has his allies to help him. A perpetually inebriated wandering warrior named Lu Yan (Chan) comes to his aid, along with the quietly deadly (and aptly named) Silent Monk (Li again, in serious mode) and a vengeful young woman named Golden Sparrow (Yifei Lee) with a personal debt to settle.
"The Forbidden Kingdom" offers aerial combat sequences (with wire performances choreographed by the legendary Woo-ping Yuen), magic spells, blood oaths and tales of redemption. Yet, Minkoff, director of the "Stuart Little" movies and the ill-fated "The Haunted Mansion," demonstrates he possesses a next-to-zero flair for telling Asian action stories.
Minkoff can't even generate the nutty fun of John Carpenter's wild, 1986 Asian action movie spoof "Big Trouble in Little China" with Kurt Russell channeling a constipated John Wayne.
Li and Chan spend an inordinate amount of time chatting each other up for an alleged action film. At least Chan keeps the story moving with several inventive sequences that prove, even at 54 and aided by invisible wires, he can still kick the kaboodle out of villainous henchmen.
If we could buy the dubious premise that the hero of this movie should be a white kid from Boston, the clueless Angarano isn't the kid for the job. Although a likable lad, Angarano lights up the screen with a 15-watt bulb.
He seems awkward, even in scenes after Chan's drunken master has supposedly taught him all the tricks of the fighting trade.
That superstars Chan and Li would play supporting roles to Angarano's weenie white boy from Boston -- who sets up poor Old Hop to be shot and killed -- makes "Forbidden Kingdom" less of a historic event than a squandered opportunity.
"The Forbidden Kingdom"
2 stars
Starring: Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Michael Angarano
Directed by: Rob Minkoff
Other: A Lionsgate Films release. Rated PG-13 for violence. 113 minutes