Dry script puts bite on teen horror film
"Teeth" is the most freakish, over-the-top female empowerment movie I've ever witnessed.
It begins on a reserved PG-rated level, then slowly ramps up to PG-13 before shooting way past R and falling completely off the good taste charts as it approaches a classic rape-and-revenge exploitation film such as "I Spit on Your Grave."
Written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein (son of noted artist Roy Lichtenstein), "Teeth" merges 1950s radiation scare films with ancient sexual myth, black comedy and social satire, then tops it off with John Waters-esque soap operatic sleaziness and half-hearted Freudian imagery.
It possesses all the ingredients for a midnight movie cult hit, except that Lichtenstein almost bores us to tears with a long, long dramatic fuse and a script that cries out for witty banter.
The story follows Dawn (Jess Weixler, a fresh-faced actress resembling a young Heather Graham), a blonde high school teen who lives with her family in the shadow of a nuclear reactor. (Genetic mutation alert!)
A top student, Dawn heads up "The Promise," a self-help group of young people dedicated to keeping their virginity until marriage. Dawn becomes disturbed when her faith in chastity becomes severely tested by the handsome Tobey (Hale Appleman), who professes to believe in abstinence, too.
During a playful swim in an idyllic, secluded lagoon, hormonally charged Tobey abandons his principles and forces himself on the horrified Dawn. A couple of munching sounds later, Dawn realizes that she has somehow dismembered his member. Tobey wanders off to bleed to death, leaving poor Dawn feeling guilty and confused.
At this point in the movie, Lichtenstein has underscored the absurdity of trying to change human nature. He has also taken a swipe at anti-education educators who have placed stickers over all the "offensive" illustrations in the high school sex education books. When Dawn researches anatomy on her own, she discovers that ordinary females don't have teeth in their sexual organs, a condition known as vagina dentata.
This discovery becomes a mixed blessing for Dawn. This may not be good news around the time she marries for true love, but in the interim, this evolutionary upgrade of feminine equipment comes in handy when dealing with predatory males, and that's pretty much every man in this movie, save for her weak-willed father.
Dawn thinks she finds true love with another classmate, Ryan (Ashley Springer), but quickly learns men tend to be deceitful. She must also deal with her psycho, punked-out stepbrother Brad (John Hensley), a tattooed druggie who has openly lusted for Dawn since childhood and continues to hound her for sex.
It doesn't take long before it dawns on Dawn she has the ultimate weapon over men.
Sadly, the biggest chunk of an hour passes before anything interesting happens, mainly, Dawn puts her hidden talents to use. A sudden spurt of graphic violence and Cronenbergian grossness never quite compensates for Lichtenstein's lethargic pace and measured build-up to Dawn's liberating personal discovery.
As Dawn, Weixler projects an endearing sense of innocence and sweetness that slowly erodes, replaced by steely feminine confidence. It's a scary transformation accomplished with superb understatement by Weixler, who won the audience award for acting at the Sundance Film Festival. If anything else, "Teeth" proves that Weixler has the chops to become a major actress.
OK, the opportunities for outrageous puns with the title "Teeth" could be endless and merciless.
So let's just say that this ambitious candidate for midnight movie cult status doesn't exactly bite, but doesn't pack much of one, either.
"Teeth"
2 stars
Starring: Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais and Hale Appleman
Written and directed by: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Other: A Roadside Attractions release. Rated R (drug use, language, nudity, sexual situations, violence). 94 minutes. At the Music Box Theatre, Chicago.