Rockies' Herges: I crossed the line

DENVER -- Colorado Rockies reliever Matt Herges says he's actually glad he was implicated in the Mitchell Report on drugs in baseball because it led him to do some soul-searching and clear his conscience over his "dirty little secret."

"I didn't used to be this way, but I'm at the point where I know what I did was wrong 100 percent, no excuses, not justification, no rationalization. I screwed up and I crossed the line," the 37-year-old pitcher told The Associated Press in an interview from his home in Scottsdale, Ariz., on Wednesday.

"I feel like I've been shown mercy in all of this," Herges said. "If I'm not standing there naked in front of the world with my big secret, I'd still be holding onto it, hiding it. It would still be eating at me. It's not fun by any stretch holding onto something like that, so secretive, so dirty. I'm grateful it's out there. I'm freed a little bit, a lot actually."

Rockies first-base coach Glenallen Hill, who was also implicated in the Mitchell Report, and Herges broke their silence on the matter Wednesday by issuing written apologies for using performance-enhancing drugs. They said they would work to make sure impressionable youngsters don't make the same mistakes.

They issued their statements on the same day Roger Clemens and his former personal trainer, Brian McNamee, testified before Congress about drug use in baseball.

"It was on in the background while I was working out," Herges said. "It's not a place I wanted to be, let's put it that way."

Although Herges declined Mitchell's invitation to respond to allegations he used HGH, Hill, who played for seven teams (including the Cubs) over his 13-year career that ended in 2001, was required to meet with Mitchell because he's a club employee.

After his name surfaced in the investigation as having purchased performance enhancers in 2000 or '01 while with the Anaheim Angels, Hill told Mitchell he did indeed buy anabolic steroids but insisted he didn't use them.

On Wednesday, he said he did use them.

"My brief use of performance enhancing substances embarrassed me, both personally and professionally, and it was something that I did not want to discuss with anyone," Hill said. "After much thought and reflection, I felt that I owed it to God, my family and the Rockies' organization to be completely forthcoming and truthful. I would like to extend my deepest apologies to the Rockies organization, to my family and friends, and to baseball fans across the country."