Parents can have input, but student chooses college

When my first son chose his college, I used the two to five rule. He had to go at least two hours away and he couldn't go more than five so that we would be able to get to the college quickly in an emergency.

He visited five schools and knew almost immediately which one was right for him. He wanted a small school with a good music program. He ended up at Millikin University and two years in, it seems to be a good fit.

My younger son looked at 11 schools, applied to eight. Now he is in the process of narrowing that decision down to one.

At a recent dinner at the high school, we sat with parents of a senior who was also in the process of trying to decide on what college to attend. The family had done all of the college trips and the scholarship offers were starting to come in.

In an effort to make their son realize the daunting expense of college, the father put together a spread sheet that compared the various schools, complete with the cost of tuition, room and board, books and travel expenses. He outlined how much they could afford to pay and how much their son was responsible for.

They thought that seeing how much he would owe would be a good incentive to pick a less expensive school. I was pretty doggoned impressed with their effort. There was only one problem.

The school that they wanted their son to go to was not the school that their son wanted.

The same thing happened in our own household. My son wants to go into oncology and do stem cell research. His top two schools are expensive, out of state and offer very little scholarship help. My husband wants him to stay in state so that my son's portion of the college expenses aren't so high.

I'm in the middle. I think it is great that my son wants to give back by choosing a career that will help so many. I also know that most college kids change their major three times. So is it right to pick a school based entirely on a course of study?

According to Heather McKane, dean of student financial services at Aurora University, sometimes following a specific course of study is a good thing.

"We do find that there are some students who come to college knowing exactly what they want to study and are very focused," she said. "First and foremost, the decision should be based on where the student feels comfortable. They need to decide what feels like home to them."

What happens when a student likes one school and the parents like another?

"I can just say from my own experience here at Aurora University that often when we are the parents' first choice and the students' second or third choice, the student ends up transferring." said McKane. "The parents need to be involved in the college selection but in the end it is about the student."

McKane also believes that parents need to involve their students in the financial process.

"I recommend that the students fill out the Free Application For Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) form with their parents so that they can see the financial situation of the family," she said.

McKane knows that choosing a college is a big decision and finding the money to support that decision is a big responsibility for the entire family.

"At Aurora University we keep a scholarship binder available so that the students can continue to do scholarship searches as upperclassmen," she added. "We also offer on campus jobs to help out."

McKane pointed out that it is important to work with the college to find a payment plan that works.

"Some schools will offer 10 month payment plans to spread the payments over a longer period of time," she said.

We all remember college as being the best years of our lives. Luckily, we forget the pain of paying off the loans for those college years.