Sold, to the fan with too much money

So, the White Sox and Cubs will auction select seats for select games this season.

The winning bid to, say, a Sox-Cubs game could be several hundred thousand million dollars.

Folks, now you know what a blind (faith or love) auction is.

This also defines why sports columnists are sports columnists. You know, even though we're qualified for other jobs like oil sheik, land baron and $elf-$erving politician.

Let's see, what else is there? Oh yeah, we could be bank robbers, Hollywood's highest-grossing box-office stars or John Edwards' $400-a-clip barber.

Instead we choose to be sports columnists. Why? Because we get into baseball games for free.

Otherwise we couldn't afford to watch the Cubs or Sox in person. Not even oil sheiks, Hollywood cash machines or Edwards' hair doctor can these days.

Not with the direction ticket prices are headed at both Comiskey Park (sometimes known as U.S. Cellular Field), and Wrigley Field (soon to be known as something like Bob Rohhhhhhhrman Auto Group Used Car Lot Coliseum.)

Don't blame the White Sox and Cubs for the money grab. It's supply and demand at work. Newspapers wish they could charge $100 per issue even if they didn't put out a winning edition for nearly a century.

Ticket auctions are merely baseball's latest contribution to inflation. Hey, where's Ben Bernanke when we need him?

Anyway, you can bid on a horse at Keeneland, on foreclosed castles in Scotland, or for the privilege to watch the Sox or Cubs from a premium seat.

Baseball used to be the sport lower middle class parents could afford to introduce to kids. Now they can't afford the peanuts, popcorn and Cracker Jack.

This at a time gas prices are rising and the stock market is plunging. The employed and unemployed alike are concerned about their financial futures. The government is trying to stimulate the economy by distributing cash to citizens in the hope they spend them on necessities like Rolexes and Rolls Royces.

Baseball tickets? Please, I said necessities, not extravagances.

Despite the economic environment, ticket auctions will attract bidders. As Yogi would say, no wonder nobody goes to Wrigley Field or Comiskey Park ... there aren't any seats left.

If so many baseball games around here are sold out, more billionaires must live in Chicago than we thought -- or in Iowa when it comes to the Cubs.

Then again, maybe Hong Kong investment bankers and Colombian, er, cocoa growers are buying all the tickets on eBay.

Apparently, enough Donald Trumps are willing to fund a Cubs team that hasn't won a World Series since 1908 and enough Bill Gateses are willing to fund Sox irritant Juan Uribe's obscene salary.

Baseball ticket auctions are God's way of saying fans have too much disposal income and too little sense to spend it wisely.

Teams say they must gouge every last dollar from the market so Jason Marquis and Jose Contreras can live lifestyles of the rich and infamous.

Taste really isn't held accountable, is it?

So the options are clear: Attend operas and symphonies with paupers or Cubs and Sox games with the Pritzkers.

I chose Comiskey Park over the Opera House, Wrigley Field over Symphony Hall and sports writing over insider trading.

On vacation I'll watch from a recliner and drink cheaper beer.