Bradley the only winner ... or is he?

This wasn't decided by the time the Cubs suspended Milton Bradley, but odds are that he'll be paid despite sitting out the rest of the season.

Rounding off his 2009 salary at $10 million, two weeks is what, more than $800,000? Trust me, Bradley will get his money.

The Cubs might pay it just to shut him up. If not, the players union certainly will grieve for it. Either way a good guess is he'll get it.

Welcome to 21st century sports. The cash distributed to players who aren't playing - the disabled, released and suspended - could retire the national debt.

Now, how would that translate to the real world with me as a test case?

Let's say that first I say publicly that all you readers who dare criticize my columns are prejudiced against short people.

Then I suggest that the people who pay my salary here are such dunderheads that it's no wonder the newspaper industry is in trouble.

Finally I insist that my colleagues are so incompetent compared to me and insensitive to my talent that they don't deserve to breathe my regal exhaust.

Now, if this works as well for me as it likely will for Bradley, I'll be on paid vacation - er, make that suspension - for the next two weeks.

(Go ahead, applaud my absence if you want while I lounge on a Caribbean beach.)

Anyway, the Cubs essentially rewarded Bradley with a paid leave after he behaved boorishly for more than five months. Or maybe the Cubs merely decided to punish themselves for signing him in the first place.

Ironically, Bradley was correct when he said over the weekend that his Cubs experience this season illustrated to him why the franchise has gone 100 years without winning a World Series.

What Bradley forgot to mention was that one of the best examples of their century of futility was signing him for $30 million over three years.

For some reason the Cubs went begging for trouble. After all, Milton was Meltdown long before he arrived here.

Cubs management actually thought Bradley's temperament would be good for the clubhouse.

The thinking was the team that won 97 games last season needed Bradley's left-handed bat and emotional edginess. You know, as if emotional imbalance were a good thing.

The Cubs aren't the only team that has grasped at that. Heck, the 2008 White Sox acquired Nick Swisher to be the clubhouse clown and Orlando Cabrera to be the club burr.

Both wore thin even on the way to a division title.

If only the Cubs were that fortunate. Their Bradley miscalculation led only to fan disenchantment and an early exit from the playoff race.

Milton Bradley is the only winner in all this. He gets his money, time off and perhaps even a chance to sign elsewhere as a free agent if the Cubs release him.

If you can call that winning, considering Bradley squandered his last thread of dignity, integrity and credibility.

As much as I would like the money and extra vacation time, I doubt that the trade-off would be worth it.

So for the record, I love all my reader/critics and all my boss/geniuses.

mimrem@dailyherald.com