'I Love You, Beth Cooper' short of suburbs, humor

If there's any doubt that Buffalo Grove High School graduate Larry Doyle wrote the screenplay for "I Love You, Beth Cooper," consider the opening scene in which graduating nerd Denis Cooverman gets in trouble with a school administrator, Dr. Gleason, for delivering a rude and revealing commencement speech.

Noting that Denis wants to attend Stanford University, Gleason offers this threat: "One call from me and you'll be going to Harper Community College!"

Later on, during a party brawl, Coach "Raupp" (we'll assume not based on legendary B.G.H.S. coach Grant Blaney) encourages Denis to fight by shouting, "Bison pride!" a reference, of course, to the B.G. school mascot.

Regretfully, there's no pride for the Bisons or anyone else in "I Love You, Beth Cooper."

This edgeless PG-13 teen sex comedy is a lethargic, humor-challenged mess in which clichés trump characterization and the eventual emotional bonds that develop between the leads feel forced and obligatory.

Populist director Chris Columbus hammers Doyle's suffering, idiosyncratic characters into generic components of a conventional Hollywood teen sex comedy. Instead of holding up an abundance of shallow teen movie clichés to savage ridicule, Columbus gleefully recycles them.

Besides car chases, we get romantic interests shot in dulling slow-motion, scared car passengers screaming en masse, people participating in yet another radio singalong, and the "whatever" punchline where someone mispronounces a name, and when corrected, responds with an angry "Whatever!"

Doyle dabbles in the acidic, darker side of adolescence. His story slowly peels back the easily categorized facades of his characters (the brainy dork, the aloof beauty queen, the goofy sidekicks, the class bully) to reveal the hurting, confused and disillusioned kids hiding beneath them.

Columbus clearly wants nothing to do with all that dramatic stuff, which gets shoved into clunky flashbacks, or stuffed between scenes of kids falling down, running for their lives, or speeding in cars.

(Good thing the Harry Potter producers parted ways with Columbus after the first two movies, otherwise all those wonderful dark sequels would be permutations of "Home Alone at Hogwarts.")

"Beth Cooper" opens at Buffalo Glenn High School in Washington state (a composite of four schools in Vancouver, British Columbia) where valedictorian Denis Cooverman (Paul Rust) uses his commencement speech to out his own best friend Rich (Jack T. Carpenter) and profess his love for head cheerleader Beth Cooper (Hayden Panettiere, alias Claire Bennet of TV's "Heroes" fame).

Denis has never spoken to Beth, even though he's loved her since seventh grade. When the unattainable Beth, impressed with his speech, shows up for a loser graduation party at Denis' house with her two hottie sidekicks (Lauren London and Lauren Storm), graduation night turns into an epic series of events like the recent "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist," except without the fun, romance and sense of adventure.

Panettiere and Rust work up a little tenderness before the closing credits, and clearly, Panettiere has the chops to handle better roles in better films.

Rust and Carpenter don't fare as well as best pals. Why their characters continue to hang out after Denis publicly outs Rich defies explanation.

Besides, Rich's homosexuality amounts to little more than a gratuitous hook for a character who becomes even more irritating than Beth's macho military boyfriend (Shawn Roberts). How? Rich constantly performs bad impressions of famous movie stars, a device that becomes even more annoying than Jim Carrey explaining every pop culture reference he makes in "The Cable Guy."

"This isn't fun anymore!" Denis shrewdly observes of his own movie.

"Who said it was supposed to be fun?" Beth replies.

Wait. That sounds like something the director would say.

John Hughes alert! Teen comedy fans will note Doyle's nods to Chicago's John Hughes, such as naming the principal Gleason (for Paul Gleason, late star of Hughes' "The Breakfast Club") and the casting of Alan Ruck (the sidekick from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off") as Denis' father.

"I Love You, Beth Cooper,"

Rating: 1½ stars

Starring: Paul Rust, Jack T. Carpenter, Hayden Panettiere, Alan Ruck, Shawn Roberts

Directed by: Chris Columbus

Other: A 20th Century Fox release. Rated PG-13 (drug references, teen drinking, language, sexual situations, violence). 101 minutes

<div class="infoBox"> <h1>More Coverage</h1> <div class="infoBoxContent"> <div class="infoArea"> <h2>Stories</h2> <ul class="links"> <li><a href="/story/?id=305475">Doyle: I wanted 'Beth Cooper' shot at Buffalo Grove High <span class="date">[07/08/09]</span></a></li> </ul> </div> </div> </div>