Fox Valley parents find healing by sharing grief

Carie and Keith Lukes couldn't help but feel alone after their son, Eoin, died 16 days after being born prematurely.

But the West Dundee couple have company in the many parents who share the same grief, yet want to honor their children's memories.

"There's an empathy with families that lost children, there's a connection," said Keith Lukes, who also was accompanied by his daughters, Teigan, 11 and Fiona, 7.

About 35 people paid their respects during a walk and ceremony Saturday morning at Elgin's Bluff City Cemetery.

The nondenominational ceremony tried to give comfort to those who have had children die through miscarriages, premature birth and other causes.

It began with a walk to the children's area of the cemetery, with each family placing a flower in a tiny casket, which was then symbolically buried.

Next, in a symbol of rebirth, families took turns shoveling soil onto a newly planted tree.

The Fox Valley Volunteer Hospice has held the walk since the mid-1990s.

"It's a very healing activity for them to be with other people who have felt a similar loss," said Carol Ann Richeson, the hospice's bereavement coordinator.

At the service, Ed Hunter, a chaplain with Provena St. Joseph's Hospital, read the poem "Footsteps," in which a man questions God's apparent absence during the toughest times of his life.

According to the poem, God told the man the single sets of footprints show not God's absence, but times when the man was carried.

"We are each called to carry each other in times of grief and sorrow and remember we're not alone," Hunter said.

Families paid tribute in their own ways.

Kevin, a DeKalb man who declined to give his last name, wore a Chicago Blackhawks jersey with the number "8" and "Samashle" on the back.

The name is not his - it's a combination of Ashley and Samantha, his twin girls who died on April 6, 2008, after being born prematurely.

"I don't think you can ever be fully healed," he said. "There's not a day that goes by we don't think of them."

For more information about support services or the walk, visit fvvh.org or call (630) 232-2233.