The main events: Battles of the bands

With around 100 acts playing eight stages over the Lollapalooza weekend, schedule conflicts are inevitable. Keeping in mind that H.L. Mencken once posited that "lollapalooza" first referred to a boxer's big knockout punch, here's a quick look at the main events, the biggest head-to-head clashes. You know what kind of a Lollapalooza fan you are when you pick one over the other.

Friday

3 p.m. - Bon Iver vs. the Heartless Bastards: As a forlorn folkie with a back story - girl leaves boy, band dumps boy, boy gets even by recording morose solo masterpiece - Bon Iver has all the buzz, but if you ask me he's a simp with all the melodic color of exposed basement drywall. The Heartless Bastards are smarter, more tuneful and just all around better. Nobody would ever dump Erika Wennerstrom, and her band rocks. Decision: Heartless Bastards in a TKO.

6 p.m. - The Decemberists vs. Peter Bjorn and John: PB&J actually play at 6:30, meaning it's possible to see part of one and then the other. But don't leave the Decemberists early. PB&J might have the catchy whistling down pat, but Decemberists have the better band. Split decision to the Decemberists.

8 p.m. - Depeche Mode vs. Kings of Leon: Let's see, revived British hacks who were never much good in the first place against an unremarkable if cocksure American jam band that has inexplicably scored some monster hits. Decision: Spare yourself some grief and beat the rush by heading home early and saving something for the rest of the weekend, whether you're going back or not.

Saturday

3:30 p.m. - Robert Earl Keen vs. Gomez: This is a good'un, as Keen's fellow Texans might say. A thoughtful, perceptive, emotive singer-songerwriter against a not-bad British band that has earned a Chicago following courtesy of abundant airplay on WXRT 93.1-FM. Split decision: I'll take Keen, but Gomez is probably more conducive to the festival setting.

5:30 p.m. - Santigold vs. Glasvegas: Santigold's debut last year was largely overlooked in the Midwest, which was a shame, because it mixed M.I.A.-style global hip-hop with a pop sense befitting an '80s New Wave band. Yet she's back again behind a TV beer ad featuring the irresistible "Lights Out." Glasvegas is another in a series of screechy, campy British bands - this one from Scotland, actually - but not without chops. Decision: Santigold in a TKO.

6:30 p.m. - TV on the Radio vs. Rise Against: Wow, here's a clash in styles: Brooklyn's critics' faves going up against Chicago's committed, pounding, Minor Threat-inspired vegan headbangers. Do you prefer deft stick-and-move technique or a slugfest? It's a complete split decision, utterly up to you.

8:30 p.m. - Yeah Yeah Yeahs vs. Tool: This one isn't close. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs stepped in for the Beastie Boys when Adam "MCA" Yauch was recently diagnosed with cancer, and the New York band instantly goosed the list of headliners. They might have gone slightly mellow on their recent "It's Blitz!" but Karen O excels in the out of doors, and guitarist Nick Zinner has an ample bag of tricks to fill any acoustic setting. Now someone please tell me what there is exactly - anything - to recommend Tool. Decision: Yeah Yeah Yeahs in a first-round knockout.

Sunday

4:30 p.m. - Neko Case vs. Vampire Weekend: Here's the toughest call of the weekend. Case and Kelly Hogan sing together like desolate angels, and they have voices big enough to fill the entire cavernous space from the old Prudential Building to the Field Museum. Vampire Weekend produced one of the best debuts of last year, and they no doubt arrive with new material that will establish them either as stars or as one-hit wonders. Me, I'll take Neko, but after she just played the sold-out Chicago Theater I have to give the split decision to the band.

6:30 p.m. - Lou Reed vs. Snoop Dogg: Reed's four original studio albums with the Velvet Underground set the points of the compass for alternative rock. In fact, "Venus in Furs" wouldn't have been out of place at the Lollapalooza of 100 years ago. Snoop Dogg started out as a menacing rapper with a distinctive laconic delivery, and has since progressively descended to self-parody. Decision: Reed in a TKO.

8:30 p.m. - Jane's Addiction vs. the Killers: Perry Farrell closes the fest on the beer stage with the reunion of his original Lollapalooza band. The Killers are alternative by today's standards, which is to say not very alternative at all. So forward into the past, or get mired in the present? Decision: I'd take the Killers in a split decision, but the instant I hear "Human" I'm running in the other direction.