Lincicome: Who are this spring’s Comeback Candidates?

With spring training waning and Opening Day looming, thoughts invariably turn to redemption, otherwise known as Comeback Player of the Year.

Every baseball team has a comeback candidate, some more than one. In fact, the White Sox have an entire roster of them, alphabetized for easy arguing.

To be a comeback candidate, you must have been injured or excessively crummy the last time anyone looked. That is the only rule and can be applied in all cases except for Pete Crow-Armstrong, who must be allowed to keep fooling us for a while longer.

Many of the more obvious candidates, such as Mookie Betts and Mike Trout, the disturbingly diminished Alex Bregman, even the departed Luis Robert Jr. have received considerable attention already and are deserving. Others include:

· Sweet Lou Tubbs, Texas Rangers second baseman: His comeback is being closely watched by the broadcast media because, as you know, Lou has spent the last three years as a color analyst and was so critical of the team that he was challenged by the manager to come down from the booth and do it better.

In his early career, Lou was best known for his posture in the on deck circle and insists that it will all be worth it if he can teach today’s players which parts of their bodies are okay to scratch.

· Terry “the Rooster” Butler, Seattle Mariners shortstop: Terry swears his rowdy past is behind him and that his priorities are in order.

“I have learned that the worst thing a ballplayer can do to himself,” the Rooster said candidly, “is to mix his drugs. From now on, I am sticking to straight bourbon except on weekends. I will never again inhale anything I have to set on fire, or drink anything that comes with an umbrella in the glass. People just have no idea how harmful sugar is to the joints.”

· Willie “20/20” Garbush, San Diego Padres outfielder: Willie’s fans will be happy to know that the injury that cut short last year’s promise has responded to treatment, and that he can now read most headlines at the supermarket checkout counter.

It is not clear yet whether Willie will be allowed to take Baron, his Seeing Eye spaniel, to the plate during the regular season, but he has the support of the humane society and the pledge of commissioner Rob Manfred to poll the fans to find out if Baron should become baseball’s official dog on the field.

· Axel Anderson, Chicago Cubs pitcher: The onetime fast balling right-hander, after an embarrassing season last year, has a new pitch, the thumb ball. The way it works, according to Axel, is you bend your hand so that you can squeeze the ball between the thumb and the wrist, then flick it underhanded like a bowler. The rotation is quasi-semicircular and hard for batters to follow.

No one else throws the thumb pitch because the rest of their fingers get in the way, a problem that Axel had surgically solved. “A few fingers were a small sacrifice to stay in the major leagues,” Axel said. “Really, the only difficulty I’ve had so far is winding my watch.”

· Homer “Baby Cheeks” Floyd, Chicago White Sox pitcher: Some experts are calling this the sleeper trade of the winter. “You just don’t go bad all at once,” a club official confided. “I think his old team was scared off by his weight. I know my niece was.”

· Clint Don Mason, Milwaukee Brewers outfielder: Clint has been distracted the last three seasons memorizing sabermetric statistics, trying to find one that fits his ability. He finally settled on BAPIP, which stands for dumb luck.

“I would have been back sooner,” Clint Don explained, “but I was told there would be no math.”

· Ol’ Bones Jones, Arizona Diamondbacks catcher: Already eligible for the Hall of Fame, Bones is trying to make a comeback at age 59. “I know I’ve been away from the game for a while,” he said, “but it is still played with a ball and a bat, you still have to get three outs, there are still nine men on a side, and baseball is the only place you can earn as much as $57 million a year playing a game.”