Lincicome: And the winner of the award for summing up 2025 is ...
Time once again for the annual “Bernies,” awards designed to sum up just what kind of year it was in sports.
Drum roll, please.
The What’s He Taking Off if the Bears Win the Super Bowl Award? — To Bears coach Ben Johnson for stripping off his shirt and flexing his muscles after beating the Eagles; impressive but not up to the standard of Mike Singletary, then coach of the 49ers, who mooned his team for trailing at halftime.
The Follow the Bouncing Stadium Award — To the Bears for tormenting the city, suburbs and adjoining states with phantom stadium dodges, while the Fire and Northwestern just get on with it.
Six Minutes Does not Make a Match, Except Maybe in Sumo Wrestling Award — To young French find Noa Essengue, the Bulls top draft choice, whose rookie season lasted almost as long as it takes to say his name.
The Thanks for the Reminders, We Will try to do Better Award — To the NFL for helmet and end zone social awareness slogans that order us to “Stop Hate,” “Choose Love” and “Inspire Change.” All the while grown men are beating the crap out of each other in front of us.
And Speaking of Grumpy Grown Men Awards — The FIFA Peace Prize will no doubt be on display for all the combatants when the Ultimate Fighting Championship clutters the South Lawn of the White House next summer. Mixed Martial Arts will have to find their own president.
Didn’t You Use to be Bill Belichick Award? — To the man once thought to be as great a football coach as Don Shula but turns out to not even be as effective as Lou Holtz.
Sure, I know What it is But I Ain’t Picking it Up Award — To those arena employees tasked with removing marital aids thrown onto the court at WNBA games.
Wake Up the Echoes Booing Your Name Award — To Notre Dame for being treated like just any other school, once again proving to be snooty and superior to the rest of college football by refusing a bowl invitation, although 10 other schools did the same.
Wait a Cotton Pickin’ Minute, Is That What They Teach You Down at the Harvard of the South Award? — To Vanderbilt quarterback and Heisman loser Diego Pavia for posting a vulgar suggestion (with gestures) to Heisman voters that we Big Ten grads are too polite to repeat.
The Try and Remember Baseball Season Does Not End with the All-Star Game Award — To Pete Crow-Armstrong, who went from a Cubs wunderkind at the plate to an automatic K in the scorebook.
She Is Still the Most Famous Basketball Player in the World Without, You Know, Actually Playing Basketball Award — To Caitlin Clark, career pending.
If They Don’t Want Prop Bets, They Shouldn’t Call Time Out Award — To every major sport in bed with gambling. Small scandals now. Big scandals coming.
Still Without a TV Contract but Hopeful Award — To the overlooked sports of Chess Boxing, Underwater Hockey and Cheese Rolling. On the other hand, Pickleball is all over the tube, except in Carmel By the Sea, where it is banned for being too loud.
And Speaking of Chess Award — The world’s most mental and tranquil game is still smarting from charges once made by Elon Musk that players are getting computer help from electronic butt plugs. How Musk knows this is still being debated.
Hey, Old Man, That’s My Spot Award — To former NFL quarterback and TV analyst Mark Sanchez, who got into a parking lot scuffle with a 69-year-old delivery truck driver, ending up in the hospital while losing his job with Fox Sports and the respect of bullies everywhere.
Puns Should Not Be This Easy Award — To the new No.1 tennis player in the world, Jannik Sinner.
He Knows Us All Too Well Award — To basketball legend LeBron James who, in a dispute with TV wag Stephen A. Smith, summed up the profession of pundits and sports columnists thusly: “He’s gonna grab some ice cream out of the freezer and sit in his chair in his tighty whities.” I assume those of us who wear boxers and prefer Oreos are off the hook.
Happy next year.