A father’s true legacy
This coming week marks the 17th anniversary of my dad’s death. I will never forget that day. Nov. 4, 2008 was a red-letter day in the history of our country. It was the day we elected the first Black man to serve as president in the White House. And even though it’s been a long time since my dad’s death, I find myself thinking about him all the time.
And for good reason. Fathers influence our lives in ways that have a lasting impact. Years after they leave us, the contributions they made to our lives continue to compound (with interest).
While on a recent Viking cruise on the Rhine River, my wife and I met a couple from Texas with whom we were randomly seated for an evening meal. After taking time to introduce ourselves, Ken and Jeannie opened up about their family. We learned that Ken’s mom had recently passed away. Since my wife had recently lost her dad following a stroke, we found it easy to empathize.
Jeannie told us about her dad who had played professional football for the Chicago Bears, St. Louis Rams and the San Francisco 49ers. Following his years playing in the NFL, he became Bear Bryant’s assistant coach at Alabama before returning to the NFL on the coaching staff of the Cleveland Browns and the San Diego Chargers.
As Jeannie spoke, I could sense the pride in her voice. As she continued to talk about her late father, she concluded by stating that her dad’s real love was being athletic director for Texas A & M. That was where he (and she) had gone to college. It was a position he held for the last two decades of his career.
In the midst of talking about her much-loved father, it suddenly dawned on Jeannie that this very day was the 10th anniversary of her dear dad’s death. I remarked how wonderful it was that we could honor his memory in such a wonderful way without initially realizing what a milestone this evening was.
As we finished our desserts and prepared to head to our individual state rooms, Jeannie’s husband Ken offered a final comment with a twinkle in his eye. “Jeannie was a little bit modest in what she said about her dad,” he whispered. “Her dad was John David Crow. He won the Heisman Trophy as a running back for the Aggies in 1957.”
As I reflected on that dinner conversation on the Rhine River, I realized an important truth. For Jeannie what set her dad apart from the rest of humanity wasn’t the fact that he had been awarded a coveted sports recognition or that he had played and coached in the NFL.
What mattered most to Jeannie was the fact that her dad had won her heart by being an exceptional father. After all, celebrity status is fleeting. I’m guessing that most of us would not be able to name the Heisman Trophy winner from eight years ago let alone 68 years ago. But it takes little effort to recall the influences our dads engraved on our lives.
This week I will reflect on a dad who played catch with me when I was in Little League, who took me to Sicks’ Stadium to cheer the Seattle Rainiers, and who watched the Seahawks on TV with me when he was battling cancer. I will thank God for a hero in my life who never owned a letterman’s jacket in high school and was never awarded a trophy for athletic achievement.
But my dad did teach me to play fair in life. He identified the daily challenges and opportunities on the line of scrimmage. He coached my development as a pastor-in-training. After all, he had been one. He encouraged me to keep my eyes on the end zone and not be sidelined by criticism. Dad would regularly call time out to remind me what to do when I got sacked or fumbled the ball.
My dad’s been in Heaven’s grandstands for 17 years. And his presence (albeit invisible) motivates me still. His example also pushes me to be a dad and a grandfather that will honor his memory and leave my family with memories more valuable than an old trophy.
• The Rev. Greg Asimakoupoulos is a former Naperville resident who writes about faith and family.