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Lincicome: The Bulls will play this season, which might be as much as we can expect

With yet another NBA season — or as we experts like to call it, “The LeBron James Nostalgia Tour” — about to inflict itself upon us, we find there are fortunately exactly as many answers as there are questions.

Q — Will the Bulls win a game this season?

A — Fingers crossed, which is how the Bulls shoot free throws.

Q — Is it true that Bulls coach Billy Donovan was inducted into the basketball Hall of Fame?

A — That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

Q — How difficult was it for Bulls’ draft pick Noa Essengue to go from France to Chicago?

A — Easy Peasy. You just go to Denmark and turn left.

Q — What kind of league is it when there are as many Lukas, Kristaps and Giannis as there are Mikes?

A — The North American Green Card League.

Q — What's the name for the defense that collapses on Denver’s Nikola Jokic when he gets the ball underneath the basket.

A — Kindling.

Q — In every preseason poll, why are the Bulls invariably ranked 29th?

A — Because the Big Ten is ineligible or they would be ranked 35th.

Q — Where can you find a foursome older than the Golden State Warriors (Stephen Curry, Jimmy Butler. Al Horford, Draymond Green)?

A — The Rolling Stones at the buffet table.

Q — At this stage of his career, what are the chances of Kevin Durant’s knees holding up all the way?

A — Better than a toothpick as a car jack.

Q — With so many untried players can there be any question of Matas Buzelis carrying the Bulls?

A — Paper or plastic?

Q — The way they play basketball under Darko Rajakovic, what could be more boring than Toronto?

A — See Charlotte.

Q — Is it true that the Bulls considered 5-foot-8 Yuki Kawamura because he could dribble under a cocker spaniel?

A — Without bending over.

Q — What is the date Reggie Miller will once again announce he will not, though he could, still play for the Pacers?

A — February through April.

Q — If the Bulls are “not competing for the championship,” what are they competing for?

A — Getting traded to a better team.

Q — Can anything keep the Oklahoma Thunder from repeating?

A — A February trade for the Bulls’ Nickola Vucevic.

Q — What is the difference between NBA tattoos and Angelina Jolie’s tattoos?

A — Location, location, location.

Q — What happens if two NBA players show up at the same game with the same tattoos?

A — One of them loses his library card.

Q — Will Detroit again be in the title picture?

A — Full face and profile.

Q — What is the significance of Groundhog Day to the Bulls?

A — If Kevin Huerter has not passed the ball back by then, there will be only two more months of basketball.

Q — Will Patrick Williams will be as fearsome as ever?

A — Unfortunately, yes.

Q — When Bulls VP Arturus Karnisovas says the Bulls are “focusing on growth,” what does that mean exactly?

A — Come to the games for the nachos.

Q — What would the return of Zach LaVine to the Bulls mean?

A — Every bit as much as the last time.

Q — Will Russell Westbrook ever get another chance to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes?

A — He is knitting a hoodie right now.

Q — Has reckless endangerment and illegal use of firearms replaced domestic violence and resisting arrest as the NBA’s favorite charges?

A — DUI is ahead at the buzzer.

Q — Is there any player 7-foot-5 Victor Wembayama can look up to?

A — Catlin Clark standing on the scorer’s table.

Q — Where does Josh Giddey fit into the Bulls lineup now that Lonzo Ball is gone?

A — First Australian off the bench.

Q — By his usual standards, hasn't coach Doc Rivers already been in Milwaukee for too long?

A — By anyone's standards, staying in Milwaukee long enough to sneeze is too long.

Q — What would you call it if the Bulls lost in the play-in game of the playoffs for the fourth year in a row?

A — A successful season.

Q — Why are popular hair styles in the NBA called cornrows rather than, oh, soybean rows or strawberry patches?

A — Product placement.

Q — Isn't that weird?

A — That's not weird. That's just the NBA.