Children’s health: Answers to tough pediatric cancer questions
As a pediatric oncologist, patients and their families have entrusted me to guide them through difficult initial conversations about their cancer, a trust that continues to humble me to this very day.
While every conversation is as unique as the child, some common questions often arise, such as “Will my child be OK?” or “Why did this happen?”
I tell patients and their families that if they remember nothing else from our conversation, these three things are most important.
1) Your child is safe and will be OK. The uncertainty of what is going on and what will happen next can be debilitating. Reassuring parents that they did the right thing bringing their child to medical attention helps them process what is going on and how to move forward.
2) Cancer is not your “fault.” Parents are quick to blame themselves for “not doing something sooner” or “missing warning signs.” I certainly understand the feelings of guilt parents experience, but there is nothing they could have done differently. To this day, we haven’t been able to identify a specific risk factor that can explain why children get cancer. While a strong family history of cancer could be a factor, we have no way to control if or when those genetics may contribute to developing cancer. Young children can sense something is wrong just by seeing the expression on their parents’ face. Older kids might feel they’ve done something wrong or blame themselves for what parents are feeling. I remind parents to let their child know they are safe and did nothing wrong. This is the most important step towards healing.
3) Ask for help. Cancer treatment is a marathon, not a sprint. No one can run this race alone. While there is a long road ahead, we’ll travel it together. I remind parents that although it’s difficult, taking care of yourself is a key step in taking care of your child.
More than anything, kids do not want to feel different, and hair loss can cause feelings of isolation. Whenever I’m asked about hair loss, the first thing I tell the child is that it will grow back! It will be gradual, but there are many ways to make the transition easier.
Wigs and hats are the beginning, but certainly not the end. I suggest turning this into a family event. Salon outings and buzz cuts can be a meaningful experience. Whatever approach you choose, consider doing it together as a family.
As parents, we all wish for our children to have a bright, happy future. A cancer diagnosis can take that wish to a very dark place. When talking about the future, I offer the child and their parents a sincere sense of hope through reassurance, listening to the concerns/fears the child may have, and allowing them the opportunity to talk about those feelings.
Every day, I have the privilege of helping children and their families navigate the emotional roller coaster that is childhood cancer. The resiliency our patients and their families show inspires me and reminds me just how much good still exists in our world today.
• Dr. Daniel Choi is a pediatric hematologist/oncologist at Advocate Children’s Hospital. Children's health is a continuing series. This column was provided by Advocate Children’s Hospital.