Lincicome: No question, the White Sox have done ... something
To the kinds of news that have become more or less familiar — late news, breaking news, fake news — the White Sox have added non-news; that is, news that seems to be news but is, like the tale told by an idiot, earnest gibberish signifying nothing,
If I may, let me put this is the form of a press release, under White Sox letterhead:
“Nothing happening for four years. And maybe not then.”
And yet for those of us who must pay attention to such things the task is obligatory. Questions must be asked, if only rhetorically, theoretically and incidentally.
Q — Are the White Sox being sold?
A — Being put on layaway more like it.
Q — Then Sox fans can relax?
A — Pull up a pew at The Rate. Plenty of room available.
Q — Who is this Justin Ishbia anyhow?
A — He is a private equity investor.
Q — And what is one of those exactly?
A — No one really knows but they apparently buy underperforming companies and make them better.
Q — Like the White Sox?
A — The Sox are to underperforming what white socks are to a tuxedo, no pun intended.
Q — But why the White Sox? Didn’t Ishbia try to buy the Minnesota Twins?
A — He says he loves Chicago and he loves baseball and with the White Sox he gets one out of two.
Q — But wasn’t Jerry Reinsdorf one of those equity investor guys?
A — Sort of. Except for the making them better part.
Q — What is a “long term investment agreement?”
A — It is like one of those online electronic contracts that you do not remember clicking but now find your email cluttered with offers from Omaha Steaks.
Q — So what exactly is going on here?
A — Well, Reinsdorf has an option to sell the Sox, but not before 2029 and until 2033. After that, Ishbia has an option to buy. And in the meantime, Ishbia would pay down the Sox debt and support ongoing operations.
Q — Without any say so? That sounds like some kind of flimflam. What kind of businessman would go for that?
A — One with too much money. Or one with a plan.
Q — Didn’t Reinsdorf always have the option to sell and were not Sox fans urging him to do just that?
A — Fans are wallpaper. No one listens to wallpaper.
Q — What is the actual agreement that has been made?
A — Best we can do is to paraphrase. “A framework has been established for the eventual option of allowing a change in ownership.”
Q — Huh?
A — In short, don’t hold your breath.
Q — What kind of framework?
A — Think of it as an outdoor wedding with the groom standing in line for four years.
Q — Like at the DMV?
A — A better example.
Q — So why wait?
A — According to Reinsdorf, his 50 years with the White Sox has been a “life-changing experience,” and at age 89 any change is suspicious.
Q — Does any of this have anything to do with the White Sox getting a new stadium?
A — Maybe in Nashville.
Q — Are the chances of the White Sox leaving Chicago greater now that an eventual change in ownership has a framework?
A — The White Sox have always had one foot in Chicago and the other one wherever the shoe fits.
Q — Then nothing has happened to make the White Sox worth bothering with?
A — Other than the new Pope’s affection and Joe Jackson’s Hall of Fame eligibility, things are pretty much as the last time anyone bothered to look.
Q — No news, then?
A — Well, the Rockies may break the Sox record for losing. Otherwise …