Summer structure is important for adolescents

For college and high school students, summer can be a time without the rigors and responsibilities of school. Your student may be looking forward to three months without any demands on their time, other than sleep, punctuated with some gaming or time with friends.

Don’t let it happen.

Some of the structure that’s built into the school year needs to be maintained during the summer to ensure teens and young adults spend their time productively and avoid the pitfalls of having too much time on their hands.

This can have serious consequences such as isolation, which can become problematic., causing depression or sleep problems. During the summer, a young person needs at least 15 to 20 hours a week of structured time; in other words, they should have a reason to get up in the morning. This can take a variety of forms, but at the outset it’s up to the parent to set boundaries.

Boundaries can look very different from individual to individual and family to family.

An initial reasonable expectation is that your child attends classes, works or volunteers on a regular basis. It may also include responsibilities at home by participating in cleaning, shopping and preparing meals a couple of times a week.

Family time, such as family dinner a few times a week, can also be included in the structure. It helps you see firsthand how your kids are doing and provides a set time to connect with one another and share interests. As our children are becoming adults, we need to treat them as contributing members of the family.

The first family meal or conversation should occur before school ends for the summer. If you've missed this opportunity, no worries. Just start speaking with your kids now. One great opener is: What are your plans for the summer? If the answers are vague or nonexistent, it’s time to explore the many alternatives out there.

Here are just a few ideas:

• Your college student can take a course or two at the local community college to get their general education classes out of the way. Similarly, many community colleges allow high school students to take classes in order to start building college credits.

• Everyone is hiring! Whether it’s Starbucks, Target, Home Depot, Lowe’s or some other chain, many offer tuition assistance. And even if your student is slinging cappuccinos or pushing a warehouse cart, they’ll be learning intrinsic skills such as communication, adaptability and critical thinking. If they received an allowance during the school year because school is their job, offer to match their take-home pay as an incentive.

• Organizations need volunteers, and high school students need community service hours. Animal shelters need dog walkers. Libraries may be looking for older teens to listen to younger children read. A political candidate may need someone to stuff envelopes. A person in a senior living facility may love to have someone to play bingo with, or read to them. Your young person will learn empathy and just how good it feels when they give to others.

• If you can afford it, your college student may benefit from taking a course at a different four-year school, or spending the summer in a study-abroad program.

One more point I’d like to make: Families frequently have a primary parent — you know, the one who plans everything from dinner to medical appointments to signing everyone up for activities. They seem to take on a lot of these structural responsibilities.

Summers are a good time to share the load. Whether you have a two-parent household, joint custody or are the noncustodial parent, it’s important for both parents, even those not living with their child full time, to be involved in these plans and activities so they get to know their kids as people.

Some kids are good at finding their own structure, and I’ve noticed that those who’ve had a successful college year are more likely to come home motivated. Kids less successful in college come home with fewer plans.

Use this summer to assess what kind of support your child may need before the school year resumes. Start with doctor, dentist and vision appointments, which we don’t have time for during the school year. If you think therapy may help your child, don’t wait until classes resume. Most of all, try to make memories with your families this summer, and wear sunscreen!

• Bonnie Lane, M.S., is principal consultant with Family Support Services in Northbrook, specializing in supporting families whose loved ones suffer from severe mental illness or substance addiction. Daily Herald readers can contact her at (847) 651-1554 or bonnielane@thefamilysupportservices.com.