Lincicome: Will the new Pope take requests from hometown pro sports fans?
A happy few days of nonsense welcomed Chicago’s Pope to his new job, usually a solemn time for pontiffs, but then baseball — and religion, too — needs all the nonsense it can get.
Over in Rome things went as they usually do, chimney smoke, hurrahs and homilies, the succession settled, while back here the eternal question loomed, Sox or Cubs?
This is not a question generally posed at the Conclave, (I’ve seen the movie, and it didn’t come up once) nor is the answer of any consequence to the billion or so folks invested in the church. But around here you better have an answer.
Almost instantly, scoreboards flashed the boast, the Cubs marquee first, and then answered at the Rate; he’s ours they proclaimed, reducing dignity to PR. It has to be the biggest cross-town fracas since Barrett v. Pierzynski.
If the first American pope had come from anywhere but Chicago the news would have been about how such a thing could happen — and some of it was — about how his papacy matters in the modern world — and some of it was — whether he is moderate, liberal or conservative — and some of it was — but it is unlikely anyone would have wondered if he was a Mets or Yankees fan.
I can see wanting to claim the “apostolic successor to Saint Peter” as a fan, and more than just a fan but a link to heavenly support. Yet this rush to claim papal preference had the scent of desperation. The aroma of the overly anxious. Why not? They’ve tried everything else.
The Cubs immediately invited the new pope to lead the seventh-inning song or to throw out the first pitch or to do whatever he would like. They will send a car.
The Sox shipped a cap and jersey to the Vatican right away, presumably with his name on the back and his number XIV on the sleeve.
(By the way, if the Sox marketeers come up with a Leo XIV jersey for sale, I want a piece).
It is possible that Pope Leo — a Chicago name if ever there was one — is not a fan of either side, maybe more naturally a Cardinal or Padre or Angel. Family reassurances, South Side roots and intrepid reporting do seem to favor the Sox.
Leo’s predecessor, Pope Francis, favored a hometown Argentine soccer team — San Lorenzo — picking it over the 18 pro teams in Buenos Aires. So Sox or Cubs seems a simple choice for our Leo.
Surely the woeful Sox need blessing more than the Cubs, although a closer and a cleanup hitter might be more useful. The Cubs are breezing along as bona fide contenders, with genuine recognizable personalities to root for, Pete Crow-Armstrong being the new focus.
And what of the Bears, dolefully scrambling for relevance? Someone with divine connections might put in a word. You know, where it might do some good. Can’t hurt to have the good shepherd include you in his prayers.
I would suggest a prayer to remind Caleb Williams to stop holding the ball so long, to take the play that is there and, if possible, instructions for the new coach, Ben Johnson, to remember that the Bears have won, when they’ve won, with running and defense.
And, by the way, don’t bother helping the Bears get a new stadium, but don’t hurt their chances either. Watching the Bears twist and squirm is more fun than watching them play.
The Bulls, too, need all the help they can get, so a word in their favor might not be too much, as well as too late, to ask. Most of the Bulls’ good players are playing somewhere else. Maybe if they ever get a franchise player they can be reminded that on this rock I will build my team.
As for the others, the Blackhawks, the Fire, the Sky, the Stars (Chicago is big with the elements) do what there is time to do. Surely a pope has other things on his plate.
It might be noted that the Sox lost the day Leo got the job, and the idle Cubs had lost the night before, so whatever papal blessings may be expected, secular reality will have its way.