Ron Onesti: Alice Cooper and ‘Super Ron’

What I do for a living doesn’t usually qualify for “combat pay,” but occasionally the combination of classic rock and Miller Lite creates a precarious situation that causes more excitement than the concert itself.

Most of the shows I put on are for audiences who actually experienced firsthand the British Invasion, the rise of Elvis, the explosion of Led Zeppelin and the rise-fall-rise of KISS. So the age demographic of our audiences for the most part would rather be home before dark than get into an altercation with a fellow rock ’n’ roller.

But there ARE those rare occasions.

It was October 2000. I was promoting shows with the “King” of Halloween-time shows, Alice Cooper. His black eye makeup, live snakes and dark-rock music is just what the doctor ordered, especially 25 years ago in his heyday.

The first show of the weekend was on Friday the 13th. Perfect, right? It was at the Carolina Metroplex in Greenville, South Carolina, a cool venue where this guy who was in the steel business took this huge Woodstock-style property and built an indoor/outdoor venue. The stage in the 3,000-seat indoor concert venue had huge doors on the rear that would open to be flipped around to play to 10,000 folks outdoors! It was a genius set up!

I got there early to get everything going for the band-the dressing rooms, the sound check schedule, the box office paperwork. As I approached the stage I noticed what looked like a bunch of 12-year-olds in red shirts setting up chairs. Turns out that they were not kids, just small-statured guys cleaning up.

The stage was SO Alice! There was a “working” guillotine with a severed head in the basket in front of it, a completely smashed up car, a large coil of rubber snakes and a bunch of other sinister props littered about the stage.

I went about my business as I awaited the arrival of the band for sound check. The only element that I did not see there were the security guards I requested from the venue.

“Oh yes,” the venue owner said. “We have 12 security guards for the front of the stage for you.”

“Great!” I said. “Doors are in two hours and the band will be here shortly; can we get the guards in place soon?”

“Sure, I’ll take care of it right now,” he said. He got a large box from backstage and placed it in front of the stage. “OK guys let’s get ready for the show,” he yelled as he began pulling out yellow shirts from the box.

Remember those “small-statured” cleanup guys? The venue owner had them remove their red cleanup shirts and put on yellow security shirts from the box on stage. “This isn’t going to go well,” I thought. “I could take any one of these guys, probably at the same time!”

So the show began with this nurse character in a short white nurse outfit, almost stripperlike. Turns out it was Alice’s daughter Calico!

The show was going well as I was watching it from stage-left, about 20 feet from the rock legend. During Alice’s classic tune “School’s Out,” I saw out of the corner of my eye a concertgoer literally jump over two of the “security” guards and land on the stage. He then began to run toward Alice, passing right in front of where I was standing! He was obviously quite imbibed, so I intercepted the perpetrator and tackled him right on the stage a few feet from Alice!

As a rocker who has seen it all, Alice did not miss a beat of the song. I was on the ground of the stage right in front of Alice rolling around with this guy and the crowd was loving it! They thought it was part of the show! I then got the guy in a headlock and ran him right off the front of the stage. I was careful not to harm the top-notch security personnel during this escapade, as they were too frightened to participate!

Now I am not built to do any of this, and this guy was a full foot taller and about 50 pounds heavier than me. I guess my sheer power combined with the dozen-or-so beers he drank allowed me to perform an act of bravery that if I had thought about it, I would have definitely run in the opposite direction!

I was deemed a “Hero” by the crowd, and a “Hot Dog” by the crew. They were “bustin’ my chops,” but they were actually grateful that I stepped up, as it all happened so fast.

I went back to enjoying another tune, “Poison,” as my side began to hurt a bit. As I took the guy down, I fell on my right rib cage, but I was sure it was going to be OK.

Two days later I was back in the Chicago area with Alice as we played a concert in the infield of Hawthorne Racecourse. The weather was threatening, but it was good enough to begin the show.

It began once again with the high-heeled nurse and the severed head at the guillotine. The top trusses that framed the stage was purposely all distorted and bent to appear as if the stage was going to collapse. Another Alice Cooper nightmare of a show … in a good way!

I was standing backstage when suddenly the clouds opened up and buckets of water fell from the sky. We were all running to cover equipment and get the cast and crew to safety. As I ran to the backstage trailer at full speed, my foot found a gaping hole in the ground causing me to go airborne horizontally, landing on that very same rib cage I had fell on two nights before. This time, the pain was unbearable, as I broke my ribs.

Since then, I have stayed away from being a superhero. But at a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame ceremony 15 years later, Alice came up to me and said, “Hey, how are your ribs?”

I couldn’t believe he remembered. But I have replayed those moments many times in my head. With all the stuff I have done in the 35-plus years in the concert biz, I never thought that wearing a red cape with a big “R” on my chest would be the thing that Alice Cooper would remember about me!

• Ron Onesti is president and CEO of The Onesti Entertainment Corp., the Arcada Theatre in St. Charles and the Des Plaines Theatre. Celebrity questions and comments? Email ron@oshows.com.