Not all friends are forever

“Let’s make three shelters as memorials, one for you, one for Moses and one for Elijah.”

— Mark 9:5 ( NIV)

My friend was grieved over the loss of a friendship. She said she tries hard to make all her friendships last a lifetime.

I mentioned that famous line, “Friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.” Having Godly values of love and friendship, I use to think we should hang on to everyone in our life, too. Through life circumstances I’ve observed, God doesn’t intend for everyone in our lives to be a forever friend.

Many people feel friendship is special, because in most cases we can pick and choose our friends. But when I look back at my life’s path, I realize God placed even the ones I picked there for a reason.

A reason includes many things. It’s an inclusive list that never ends, and is specific for your life alone. In this category, sometimes the duration of the relationship can be long or short; but nonetheless it is offers some life lesson of significant value.

I reminisce about schoolteachers in my life and how each impacted me. Some were good and helped me learn a lot, academically and socially. Others were not so nice or kind and caused me to discover what I didn’t want my behavior to mirror.

Over the years, I had some amazing bosses who noticed my strengths and weaknesses and gave me positions that molded and shaped my career and life path. Some of the positions they offered were a perfect fit for my skills and personality, so I stayed for years. Others not so much, so I left quickly. Yet all helped me to learn my own likes, dislikes and strengths.

In my teen years, I had a friend who was my neighbor and classmate. But whenever I was around her she’d put me down. I didn’t like having my feelings hurt, so it didn’t take me long to end the relationship. Maybe the reason was to test my boundaries with toxic people.

Seasonal friends can come and go. Many of them have been classmates, neighbors or coworkers. Some can sharpen us. Some are the sandpaper God uses to smooth our rough nature and mature us along the way, as we cope with the challenging behaviors of others.

Some seasonal friends leave our lives due to circumstances. I’ve had several friendship breakups because they moved away. One got married. Another divorced. A couple of others got new jobs in other states. I have to admit, a few times I was happy they moved on, because I outgrew them.

Yet some I grieved, because we had a lot in common and complimented and cared for one another. Sometimes I didn’t always understand why the breakup occurred. Other times, breakups taught me many things about my own choices, which weren’t always wise or healthy.

Then there’s the unusual blessing of lifetime friends. These are few and far between. Some people have a few lifelong friendships and others have none. I’ve had one friend since the fifth grade. It’s nice to have family history over the years. She’s more like a sister than a friend. I have another I’ve known for 40-some years. But most have come and gone.

When Jesus was at the mount of transfiguration, he was spiritually transformed in some special way. With this transformation the presence of two ancient prophets manifested. When the disciple Peter noticed what occurred, he wanted to pitch a tent and have the prophets stick around. But Jesus quickly informed Peter they weren’t meant to stay. Obviously they were only there for a reason.

Sometimes we never really know for sure what reason, season or timing a friendship holds for us. But trusting God allowed them there can reassure us that somehow they fit into our life’s grand plan.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She can be contacted at annetteebudzban@aol.com.