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Lincicome: It’s all smiles around Halas Hall again, at least for now

Doubt benefit giving is a frequent burden for Bears fans, and yet granted freely and with fresh anticipation that each time the most dysfunctional franchise in sports has got it right. So we say welcome to another coach, a guy named Johnson, a simple two syllable hashtag, first name of Ben.

My first thought, or maybe the second, was that this means we now have “B.J. and the Bears,” a link to a time when television had channels and kids had lunch boxes, while coincidentally the last time the Bears meant anything outside one corner of the central time zone.

After all, nostalgia is the operating personality of the franchise, relying on memory and comedy skits for an identity, the Ditka mustache a face prop and the Halas initials a sleeve token, confirming that the past is not dead, it is not even past. Thank you, Mr. Faulkner.

Anyhow, here we are again, meeting the next redeemer of dreams, a coach hired off Zoom and widely believed to be the choice of choices, meaning that the Bears dared to do the obvious.

Usually the way these things are done a coach gets to pick his quarterback when it seems here that the quarterback gets the coach. The primary function of Johnson is to prove that Ryan Poles was not wrong about Caleb Williams, the dimming star and coach killer.

“I am a football coach,” Johnson reassured all at his public introduction, fooling no one.

Unlike others this coach is pre-known, the most endorsed coach since Dave Wannstedt hiked up from Dallas, a franchise that at the time was America’s winner as opposed to Detroit, last seen making excuses.

It is widely agreed that the Bears could not have done better, disregarding, of course, that those who made the choice are the same ones who made the choice necessary.

“These guys, George, Ryan and Kevin,” the new coach pointed out in his initial press briefing, unaware that they are known locally as Shemp, Larry and Moe.

A fairly short bit of success in Detroit, two seasons of impressive offensive stats, elevated Johnson to his status as prize of prizes, mindful that he had a veteran quarterback, a functioning offensive line, and a dual threat at running back, none of which the Bears have.

Johnson collected fine reviews as a revolutionary figure among the usual troglodytes, full of offensive prowess — whatever that means — with a demanding presence; intense, challenging and creative, minimal credentials after all. At some point, every new hire has had them.

How coaching resumes get inflated is mysterious and unreliable, incestuous and fraternal, known among the few and shared like recipes or handshakes. Each “coaching cycle.” a cynical allusion to renewal, a slate of candidates emerges because somebody said they should.

And so it was with Johnson, the winner of this year’s beauty contest, a young prince and Cubs fan who saw in Chicago a “roster loaded with talent,” which I am guessing is the bottom line on the optometrist’s eye chart.

We have to take the word of those who log these things that Johnson is a “once in a generation” coach, though the way generations are piling on top of each other it may be hard to tell if he is Millennial, Centennial, X or Z or, what’s the latest, Alpha?

The same confusion might be applied to the Bears quarterback, another once in a generation figure, when what the Bears need is a once upon a time offensive line.

Duty weighs heavily to determine whether all the approval will work out when all of the approval never has. With no actual evidence for seven or so months, it is necessary to go with instinct.

Thus, looking for encouraging signs beyond that “B.J. and the Bear,” trucker comedy I mentioned, I recalled Ben Johnson the shamed Canadian sprinter, not helpful. I even dismissed my favorite western character actor, Ben Johnson, who won an Academy Award as Sam the Lion, which did not seem to fit.

I considered Grizzly Adams and his Ben the Bear, and most appropriately “Gentle Ben,” the story of a lonely boy and a lonely bear, a depiction of fans and a football franchise if ever there was one.

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