Grief & healing: Making resolutions

A resolution is a “firm decision to do or not do something.” That’s the official definition.

I’m still considering whether to make New Year’s resolutions this year.

Why? Well because my resolutions usually aren’t resolutions. They are more like wishful thinking. Or a list of difficult goals. The word “firm” in the definition is the stumbling block.

My dear Baheej always made New Year’s resolutions. He actually wrote them down. And carried them in his shoulder satchel when he went to his favorite local coffee shop to write.

One of his resolutions was the same every year. It was, “Protect the silence.” I know what it meant because he told me. It meant that each day is a new day. In the early mornings he should shield himself from all the news of the world and think his own thoughts.

So to protect silence, we would start the day by sitting together in what we called our love room. It’s a little alcove off the kitchen and have coffee and talk about our plan for the day and happy things, like upcoming holiday celebrations or our next vacation trip.

Baheej got me into the habit of making my own New Year’s Eve resolutions. And I’ve done it every year.

Mine are never earth shattering. His approach was to pick something good to strive for that would make life a little better, happier. And so I started doing that. It makes a resolution more like a helpful guide instead of an unrealistic expectation.

The point is: There is still time to make a New Year’s resolution for 2025. And I will do it and remember the happiness Baheej brought with him.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.