Grief & healing: Almost Thanksgiving

I planned to cook my turkey early but in fact I haven’t done it yet, and it’s not that early anymore. I could put it the oven today, but I am having second thoughts.

Perhaps I will cook it on Thursday after all. I usually celebrate all holidays and there is something reassuring about traditional holidays and holiday food.

But this waffling about “to cook or not to cook” is probably a good example of the ambivalence that can surround holidays after one’s life has completely changed, and it’s not like it used to be in years past. When Baheej died, life for me totally changed.

Waffling is also an example of overthinking a relatively simple matter. When it comes to holidays, preparing and cooking should probably just be done automatically. Or if you used to go to a restaurant on Thanksgiving, just do that. Go to one nearby.

In a restaurant, you’ll find lots of people having a good time and it will be cheerful, even if you are alone. Many restaurants decorate and prepare traditional foods on holidays. Lots of people go to restaurants instead of cooking at home these days. If you’ve never done that, try it.

The point is: I had an old friend come to visit last Thursday, exactly a week before Thanksgiving. It was good timing. I almost cooked my turkey to serve, but we went out for lunch instead. More time to talk. No clean up. It was a good choice.

Happy Thanksgiving. And here’s hoping my own turkey gets cooked one of these days!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.