Grief & healing: Approaching Thanksgiving and being open to changes

All those who have experienced the death of a loved person know that holidays can be very difficult, sometimes filled with sad memories.

As we get into November, and Thanksgiving is approaching, this is what happens to me: I start getting both nostalgic and oddly a bit down.

Thanksgiving was one of Baheej’s favorites holidays. He loved the traditional Thanksgiving food and the family gathering.

And we also usually invited a few friends, especially after the children grew up, had their families and started cooking Thanksgiving dinner at home for their own kids.

Some years, we would go to one their houses to enjoy the holiday with them.

That was fun and I was always delighted to see how lovely and delicious those meals were, and how they were establishing their own traditions and including their own friends.

So it’s time to start planning what to do this Thanksgiving. I’m not traveling anywhere, so I need to think of options. Well, there are several:

• Go to a local restaurant. A good one fairly near here serves an excellent turkey dinner, and is full of families.

• There are very good take-out turkey dinners at my local grocery deli.

• Go to any favorite restaurant and order anything you wish. We don’t have to eat turkey. I may even have another Thanksgiving lobster!

• Cook a small turkey at home and buy all the side dishes as take-out.

• There are even some very good frozen dinners portioned for one.

The point is: There are options. Just sit down and make a list of what comes to mind for you. It’s good to have a plan. Many things about holidays change with time. But changes can be fun if we are open to them.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.