‘Ghosting’ is a two-way street in the doctor-patient relationship

It’s the season of goblins, scary movies — and ghosts. It’s an appropriate time, I think, to discuss a situation I’m seeing more and more: medical ghosting.

The term “ghosting,” which came in to our language just 20 or so years ago, describes the act of abruptly ending all contact with someone, through electronic means like texts, emails and chats, or simply through radio silence. The term has since expanded to include similar behaviors in other contexts, such as among friends, family, employers, businesses — and doctors and their patients.

Why patients ghost their doctors

There are several common reasons for someone to suddenly drop off their doctor’s radar. Maybe they’re expecting bad news and don’t want to hear it. Maybe they made an appointment when they weren’t feeling well, but decided not to show up when they felt better.

One reason I hear a lot is not just fear, but shame. Maybe they were advised to lose some weight, but when they haven’t, they don’t want to face the doctor’s scale. (Avoiding getting weighed doesn’t change anything, by the way. You still weigh what you weigh.) The same might be true of exercise, medications and dietary changes.

Maybe the medical practice is owed money, or there’s a difficult insurance situation that seems insurmountable. A patient might stop taking calls from a doctor’s office or responding to messages in hopes of avoiding a bill.

It’s not uncommon for a patient to ghost their doctor when they have switched doctors, or just don’t feel comfortable with them, and don’t want to tell those hard truths. Trust me: You won’t hurt a doctor’s feelings by telling them you’ve moved on. They’re tougher than that.

Why doctors ghost their patients

A friend recently told me about an experience her husband had with his doctor’s practice. The doctor recommended an important medical test.

Five weeks later, he had not heard about the results. He left messages many times and wrote directly to them on their website. One person he spoke to said she was turning his case over to a supervisor and someone would call him that day. No one did — even though the doctor had prescribed a new medication based on the results.

Frustrated, his wife found the doctor’s email address and wrote to him directly. The doctor called within 20 minutes and said he was shocked — shocked! — that the results hadn’t been conveyed.

This is a symptom of our current health care system. Doctors don't have time to daily review all the hundreds of emails they get, and, yes, they assume their staff takes care of it. But they’re busy, too.

The best way to deal with a situation like this is to sign up for the patient portal, where test results are usually posted within days, sometimes the same day. Still, getting someone to call and discuss the results can be a challenge. All I can say is: Call every day if you have to.

That said, doctors have been known to “ghost” their patients by simply firing them, instead of explaining to a noncompliant diabetic for the 15th time that he has to follow dietary guidelines and use medication as prescribed. You can imagine how frustrating that is for a doctor. A 2017 study found that nine out of 10 primary care doctors had dismissed a patient at least once.

Your doctor may be ghosting you because they have left the practice and no one bothered to let you know. Or because they don’t have a working relationship with your insurance company.

More likely, it’s one of these reasons:

• The patient takes 30 minutes to share five minutes of information.

• The patient is disruptive or displays inappropriate behaviors.

• The patient is uncommunicative and doesn’t return phone calls (the opposite of the example above, but it does happen).

• The patient is untruthful about their lifestyle habits, such as smoking and drinking.

• The patient fails to schedule important screenings such as blood tests, mammograms and colonoscopies.

A healthy doctor-patient relationship is key to maintaining our health and heading off small problems before they become big ones. Let’s keep “ghosting” to Halloween festivities.

• Teri (Dreher) Frykenberg is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care registered nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). Her book, “How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself & Your Loved Ones,” is available on Amazon. She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; email her at teri@northshorern.com.