Grief & healing: Reinventing holidays as times change
As we have seen, holidays have evolved in so many ways. They’ve changed especially in the way they are celebrated.
My dear Baheej was very good at understanding and adjusting to change, including how to manage and enjoy changing holidays. That’s one of the many “Baheej lessons” that stuck with me and has been a great help over the years.
You probably saw an example last spring on Memorial Day. And we saw it again recently on Labor Day, the start of fall.
One big change is that many of our families are not close by today. They have spread out around the country. Mine certainly have.
So there are not many backyard gatherings with large groups. Some people still keep up the old traditions of backyard grilling steak, burgers, hot dogs, chicken. But that’s not as common as times past.
And even if your family is close by, they may be working or traveling, or engaged in sports or clubs, and are not able to gather at the old family home on Labor Day.
Thinking ahead to the next big holiday, which is Thanksgiving, we have time to plan.
What should we do?
• Well, I think the best option is a local restaurant — somewhere that is convenient for most family members. It should be one with the usual holiday food. It won’t be homemade of course. That’s OK.
• Get the guest room(s) ready for those who may want to stay overnight. It’s not a good evening to be out on the road.
• If you’re eating at home, offer a wide range of food choices. Lots of people have gotten into specific diets such as low carb, gluten free, high protein, no dairy, vegetarian, and on and on.
• If you’re grilling, cook simple items that are easy to grill and need just a short time on the fire.
• If possible, keep politics out of dinner table discussions. For some unknown reason, holidays are always a temptation to indulge in arguments.
The point is: Holidays are best if we keep them friendly. And lighthearted. And tuned into current food culture. My dear Baheej was a master at keeping holidays fun and happy events.
• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.