Racing pacing, wince-inducing finale diminish flourishes of cinematic greatness in ‘Alien: Romulus’

“Alien: Romulus” — 3 stars

An undisciplined, maddening, exhilarating grab-bag of goop, greatness and grateness, Fede Alvarez’s “Alien: Romulus” should have qualified as the second-best sequel in the nine-feature “Alien” franchise started by Ridley Scott in 1979.

Close. Oh, so close.

The sci-fi/horror thriller’s underwhelming first 20 minutes lavish way too much attention on its rusty, retro hardware and grimy, industrial sets of a bleak future, taking place two decades after “Alien” but 37 years before James Cameron’s war-movie-inspired sequel “Aliens.”

“Romulus” introduces its mildly indistinct main characters, led by a tough orphan named Rain Carradine (Cailee Spaeny’s spirited Sigourney Weaver surrogate) and Andy (an outstandingly empathetic, versatile David Jonsson), a protective and brotherly “artificial person” constructed by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, owner of the mining colony on Jackson’s Star.

That’s where Andy — like Data with his humor chip in “Star Trek Generations” — likes to tell lots of silly, juvenile jokes to an extremely patient Rain. So many jokes that they become borderline annoying.

But wait.

These seemingly innocuous jokes later become a plot device that, along with seemingly innocuous malfunctioning artificial gravity machines, sets up the most brilliantly executed action sequence of the 21st century so far — an ingenious merger of imagination and practicality in which Rain figures out how to bypass one of the aliens’ chief self-defense mechanisms.

But don’t get too excited, because in its rush to be the biggest, fastest, grossest and freakiest “Alien” movie, “Romulus” spins out of orbit with a ridiculous, ludicrously excessive grand climax smacking of desperation and literal overkill.

In the beginning, Rain and Andy join her ex-boyfriend Tyler (Archie Renaux), Tyler’s sister Kay (Isabela Merced), fellow mine worker Bjorn (Spike Fearn) and super techie Navarro (Aileen Wu) on a mission to raid the abandoned Renaissance, a space station comprised of two modules titled Romulus and Remus. (A wall display conveniently explains their Roman origins.)

Once they finally board the Renaissance, and it turns out to be a beehive of Xenomorph face-huggers, “Romulus” fires up the plot rockets, accelerating the narrative to such frenetic speeds that it frequently blurs clear comprehension of what’s happening.

Alvarez (director of an “Evil Dead” remake and the better “Don’t Breathe”) moves “Romulus” so fast that it actually reduces the suspense and immersive quality of Scott’s “Alien.”

Back then, it took a day or so for the Xenomorph offspring to form and explode out of John Hurt’s stomach. Here, it takes about 90 seconds, which registers as rushed and cartoony, plus it violates the internal consistency rules firmly established by the original film.

In many movies (I’m looking at you, “Wayne’s World”), flirty references to other movies tend to be scraped off the bottom of the creative barrel.

Here, writers Alvarez and Rodo Sayagues do a bang-up job of utilizing references to earlier franchise entries that define and enhance our viewing experience.

“Romulus” also includes a creepy nod to “Alien” — the discovery of still-living humans wrapped up for future use by the Xenomorphs. Scott deleted a similar scene from his original film to keep the pace moving.

Still, “Romulus” is no “Alien,” a genre barrier-buster that dared to kill off its assumed main character (Tom Skerritt’s captain) early and replace him with a female action heroine, a mere decade after Paramount executives ruled that Gene Roddenberry could never cast a mere woman as a starship commander in the iconic TV series “Star Trek.”

20th Century Studios execs did it right. Once they realized Alvarez’s film contains Oscar-caliber practical effects, production designs, sound and score, they wisely released “Alien: Romulus” in theaters, rather than on Hulu as originally announced.

This, despite its wince-inducing Rosemary’s Space Baby finale.

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Starring: Cailee Spaeny, David Jonsson, Archie Renaux, Isabela Merced, Spike Fearn, Aileen Wu

Directed by: Fede Alvarez

Other: A 20th Century Studios theatrical release. Rated R for language and violence. 119 minutes