Lincicome: At the intersection of sport and presidential politics, there is golf

It has been suggested that the matter of the U.S. presidency be settled by a game of golf, one or the other of the current applicants making the dare. Say this for that, keeping score would be simpler, though I think one of them suggested that the other one fills in his card before he plays the hole.

Trust is a problem in both politics and sports. That is why we have umpires and Rachel Maddow. So the idea of merging the two seems entirely appropriate if completely irrelevant. Yet they have been going hand in hand longer than Marge and Homer Simpson.

Practically, the connection between sports and politics should be limited to throwing out the first pitch or welcoming the Super Bowl winners, but politicians will still tag in, making the phone call to locker rooms and clubhouses at moments when the last thing on anyone’s mind is being courteous to intruding politicians.

With such a call, Richard Nixon once awarded the collegiate football championship to Texas, still considered by Penn State people as the greatest of all Nixon’s indiscretions.

Abraham Lincoln, it is reported, was a wrestler, Teddy Roosevelt a boxer, Nixon a bowler. Dwight Eisenhower was a golfer who had his own named tree at Augusta. Both Bush Presidents had their games, George H.W. horseshoes and George W. bicycling. Who can forget Barack Obama’s left-handed jumper on the basketball court?

The Duke of Wellington famously pronounced his victory over Napoleon to have been made on “on the playing fields of Eton,” while Napoleon marveled that men will die for medals. Regardless of Waterloo, the smart money is on the little corporal.

The issue of golf made its way into the Presidential Debate as well as to subsequent back and forth chirping, one candidate swearing the other could not hit a ball “50 yards” while his opponent immediately swore he would be happy to have a driving contest. And he was up for a match as long as his opponent carried his own bag. “Think you’re up to it?” he asked.

Ah, nothing like a lively discussion of public concerns, an examination of those things that affect all of us like employment, inflation, immigration and do you use a six or seven iron to carry the water hazard?

There is, nevertheless, some application of the current dispute, golf being a handy way to measure vitality and alertness and integrity, a game that reveals these things while most of the rest is just blather and spin.

Suspicions linger that both men may not have the vigor or the acuity necessary for the burden of high office. Golf may be as honorable a way to figure it out as relying on staged rallies and news clips.

The issue of an honest handicap might need to be resolved. For reasons mostly having to do with wagering, golf handicaps are kept, varying in this case between 2.5 for the one and 6 or 8 for the other. This allows each to scoff at the other. “I’ve seen your swing,” said one of them. Oooh, burn.

While this might seem like two old guys in a Seinfeld sketch, a dare is a dare and the last President dared the present President to meet him on the tee at Doral, one of the 17 clubs he owns.

“I am officially challenging (him) to an 18-hole golf match. It will be the most watched sporting event in history. Maybe bigger than the Ryder Cup or even the Masters.”

The President would get 10 strokes a side. Moreover, $1 million to charity would be on the line. Bryson DeChambeau, the Open champ, has offered to host the thing on YouTube.

Honestly, I would watch it, just like I watched Bobby Riggs and Billie Jean King in the Astrodome and Evel Knievel at Snake River Canyon. To update and paraphrase, when the going gets weird, the weird use Google.

The golfer Julius Boros, who would take his fishing tackle with him to tournaments, was once asked what he would do when he retired.

“I already fish and play golf,” Boros said. “What else is there?”

Well, the White House, apparently.