Grief & healing: He loved ice cream

My husband Baheej loved ice cream.

We met when the Baskin-Robbins stores with 31 flavors of ice cream started up, and were very popular. It was one of the very first places he took me when we started dating all those years ago.

It was not an ice cream parlor with a place to sit down, but just a store front where you picked up a cone or dish of ice cream “to go.”

I remember he loved the flavor called pistachio. It was mint green color with chopped pistachio nuts. These days you can buy Baskin-Robbins ice cream in the grocery store.

It’s funny what we remember about the start of a relationship. Especially one that changes our lives forever.

Another thing I remember is that we used to read plays to each other. Silly plays such as “The Importance of Being Earnest” by Oscar Wilde. We sat on the rocks by a beautiful Colorado mountain stream, and read it out loud to each other. Seems like a dream now. But I remember it very clearly.

And of course both our lives were changed. For 44 years. What we didn’t realize at the time that nothing is really forever.

Yes and no. Yes, because, luckily, the memory is a powerful force, happy memories are a gift. And very sustaining. No, because one of us is destined to survive the other. And we must learn to cope with the sadness that comes with grief.

I was never very tempted buy ice cream on my own. And I certainly didn’t want the extra calories. But that has changed these days.

I’ve started buying a pint of ice cream every now and then. It’s a treat, and fun to remember how much Baheej enjoyed ice cream. I know he is smiling at the sight of me with a dish of ice cream.

Recently I was talking with my sister about ice cream, comparing favorites. Mom’s favorite was butter pecan. It conjured up all sorts of nice memories — Baheej and Mom. We never know what triggers happy memories.

The point is: It’s OK to ease up. Treat yourself once and a while. Life is not forever so a treat should be enjoyed. This year, instead of the usual decorated cake at Easter, I served myself a dish of Baskin-Robbins ice cream, and thought about Baheej.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.