Grief & healing: A day for tricks

Oh, April Fools’ Day. We better be alert. Be on guard.

When Baheej was alive, he used to trick me on April Fools’ Day. And usually succeeded! So I always think of him first thing on April 1.

It’s odd because I don’t remember any of the specific tricks. I do remember that it was fun. So it’s not a sad day for me, but one of amusement.

Being amused is a healthy feeling in my experience. As a matter of fact, it’s worth looking around and being aware. There are lots of amusements out there.

Baheej used to sit in cafes and write. And watch people. And just daydream.

He saw lots of interesting and amusing behaviors. And sometimes incorporated them in his stories. Or they just triggered an idea for a story.

Well, I don’t sit in cafes, although I understand why he did. He needed that nice setting to get in the mood for writing. It was calming to just sit by himself and drink a cup of coffee. He loved the coffee called blonde. That was amusing. He came home about lunchtime.

I prefer just sitting on the couch to write, at home with my kitties.

A few days ago I learned I may be allergic to cats. Too late to do much about that — since I raised them and they are almost 12. So in a way, it was an early April Fools’ joke. But this one is probably not a joke, but real. Amusing in a way.

A friend said that it was a “locked-up situation.” It’s not good to have an allergy, but you’re not able to change it.

I think we find ourselves in many locked-up and seemingly immovable situations after the death of a dear one. In a situation where we feel stuck.

And it’s true we are facing so much grief and so many problems, we wonder how to proceed. But we must find a way to trick ourselves and get unstuck, whether or not it’s really April Fools’ Day.

The mind is a powerful force, and so is free will. There is a path, we can find it.

So the point is: Once we are able, we must seek an interest, a cause. We need to use inner strength to look outside ourselves There are opportunities out there. Perhaps there may be a little innocent trick involved, but April 1 a good day to start.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.