Grief & healing: Losing romance

Romance is a very nice part of life. I mean romance in the broad sense of the word. It could be as simple as a sweet note, or enjoying a special meal together or any little act of caring.

We lose many pleasures when our beloved dies. A lot is tied to our daily rituals — a cozy cup of coffee, sharing ideas, listening to favorite music, going for a walk, noticing spring sprouts in the garden. There are so many little daily activities can carry a sense of romance.

My dear Baheej was romantic and affectionate. One of the hard challenges after death is losing that romance and affection. Of course we still have our memories and perhaps can sense a spiritual presence. But it’s not the same.

I guess I am a romantic at heart, even though I probably seem sort of pragmatic and a type A on the outside.

Lately I’ve been watching romantic movies on TV. Not dime-store romance novel type movies, but ones with great actors, a good script and great production. I have some favorites, of course, which is a nice feature of DVDs and streaming. It’s easy to watch them more than once.

Think about “Bridges of Madison County,” “Sabrina,” “Under the Tuscan Sun,” “Out of Africa,” “The Lake House,” “Age of Innocence,” many others.

Holiday celebrations are danger areas for noticing your loss of romance. In many families, holidays are very special times — not only to celebrate the occasion, but times of great affection between family members. And they can be especially happy for couples — full of holiday meals and cards and gifts. It’s not the gifts I miss, but the atmosphere and good feelings.

So here we are — Easter and Passover seasons are underway and coming up. I haven’t gotten out all my Easter Bunny decorations yet. I did buy kits to color Easter eggs. Must do.

Easter is very early this year — March 31. And Orthodox Easter is not until May 5 this year — late. Passover is late April this year. Both often coincide more closely with Easter. Oh, those calendars are still a mystery to me. Anyway, it’s time to get ready.

I am usually geared up for holidays. I’m feeling some type of fatigue. I’m not sick, but I just lack motivation I guess. I think it may be that the romance part is missing these days. As I said, romance in the broad sense of the word.

So the point is: What to do about this? Well, I can’t think of much. Perhaps this is just one of many changes in grief that we must cope with and manage.

But I should get some nice lamb for Easter dinner and a festive Easter cake — a chocolate one of course. We need to keep up traditions — they help.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.