Grief & healing: 12-month Christmas tree makes me happy

Why do I leave my Christmas tree up and decorated all year long?

Well, I do it because it makes me happy. Yes, and it is comforting. I just enjoy seeing it glow early in the morning and late in the day.

I started leaving the tree up in 2013, the second Christmas after my beloved Baheej died. I had bought an artificial tree instead of our traditional real tree. I just couldn’t handle a live tree by myself. And once decorated it looked beautiful.

Baheej’s favorite holiday was Christmas. Like many of us, he cherished Christmas and all it symbolized and meant to him — home, family, memories of the Nazareth of his childhood, our own Christmas celebrations. Me too. Happy times in Minnesota and later our own celebrations in New Hampshire and Massachusetts, and here.

So I’ve gotten used to my artificial tree. It’s decorated Swedish and Finnish style, and I just leave it up year round. I’m not Finnish but we spent lots of time in Finland over the years. The red Christmas wooden decorations are similar in style. Lots of carved red wooden hearts and straw goats. When my kitties were young they climbed it. Quite a funny sight. I tethered the tree to the wall so they could not topple it! I learned the hard way. It’s still fixed to the wall, just in case.

You know how memories are. They also keep us anchored.

I got the kitties four months after Baheej died. I believe he sent them to me.

They are sweet little companions. They were born in 2012, and were still playful kittens in 2013. And they were tree climbers then. They are strictly indoor cats, so it was their only chance to climb a tree! I have lots of funny photos of them peeking out between the branches. They don’t do that anymore — they’re too big and they’re calmer now.

I started leaving white patio lights up all year round, too, for the same reason (they make me happy) and because in the winter, the long nights are very dark out here in Sleepy Hollow.

The point is: As the years move along after the death of a loved one, we find ways to simplify things so they are within manageable limits. We figure out how to get along. Sometimes little changes can make a big difference and make life easier. And more pleasant.

So I try to keep my eyes open for such opportunities. And these days my kitties nap underneath the tree and leave it pretty much alone.

Occasionally one bats at one of the low-hanging ornaments or steal one for a toy. They are unbreakable Swedish and Finnish style ornaments, so no harm done.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@aol.com.