Practice kindness during the holidays
The longer the 21st century goes on, the more it seems we need to show kindness, to ourselves and others. That may seem Pollyanna-ish given the miseries people are experiencing around the globe, but let's remember the words of Neil Armstrong when he stepped onto the lunar surface: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."
In other words, people, baby steps. As individuals, we may not be able to end war, civil discord and climate change, but we can bring a little bit of light to our families, friends and neighbors.
Why bother? Practicing kindness is a wonderful way to not only have a positive impact on the world but also to improve our own well-being. It has been shown to increase self-esteem, empathy and compassion, and improve mood. It can even decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone directly correlated with stress.
Kindness can also boost serotonin and dopamine, neurotransmitters in the brain that are associated with feelings of satisfaction, well-being and pleasure. Endorphins, the body's natural painkiller, also may be released when we show kindness.
Looking for ways to show kindness can give us something to focus on, especially if some of us will be feeling anxious or stressed in certain social situations (such as Thanksgiving Day dinner with the relatives!).
In this week leading up to the holiday, let's find ways to share kindness with people we know and some we may not know. Even simply smiling at someone and thanking them can brighten their day - and yours.
The first step? Show yourself some kindness and compassion. We humans like to beat ourselves up, don't we? Sometimes we say things to ourselves that we wouldn't think of saying to someone else. So give yourself some positive self-talk and dial back negative thoughts about yourself.
During conversations with others, rather than thinking of what you're going to say next, listen actively without interrupting. Make it a judgment-free zone. Offer sincere compliments to those around you.
Perform a random act of kindness. Pay for the person behind you in the drive-through lane. Rake a neighbor's leaves. Write to an old high school teacher or college professor telling them how much they influenced you. Seriously - you'll be surprised at how happy these things make you feel.
Take deep breaths and cultivate patience. Did someone cut you off on the Kennedy? Is the checkout line too long at the grocery store? Bring down the temperature by practicing mindfulness.
Include children and grandchildren in your quest for kindness. Could you go for a walk together and pick up litter along the way? Watch a movie or read a book together, and then share family stories? Bring some canned goods to the local food pantry? Showing children how to be kind now will help them in their teen years and beyond.
Inclusion is one of the greatest gifts of kindness we can give. Everyone is different, and we all want to live as our authentic selves. Accepting those differences and being aware of our own biases can do a lot to build kindness. Example: If Grandpa's political views aren't in line with yours, see if you can understand where he's coming from and at least agree to disagree. Neither of you has to "win."
This also involves treating others with respect, regardless of their age, gender, race or background.
Kindness is a skill that not all of us come by naturally, so practicing it will build confidence - then we'll want to practice it more and more. It's also contagious in a good way. When you practice kindness, you may inspire others to do the same.
At a time when our political divisions are growing ever deeper and show no signs of healing, kindness may be just what the doctor ordered.
• Teri Dreher is a board-certified patient advocate. A critical care nurse for 30+ years, she is founder of NShore Patient Advocates (www.NorthShoreRN.com). Her book, "How to Be a Healthcare Advocate for Yourself & Your Loved Ones," is available on Amazon. She is offering a free phone consultation to Daily Herald readers; call her at (312) 788-2640 or email teri@northshorern.com.