Just encourage their best

This fall, two of our granddaughters will head off to college to raise their voices and engage in conversations far removed from the homogeneity of suburban life. Dutifully, an array of shaping experiences awaits them.

To my way of thinking, discomfort usually precedes this gateway event. I'm secure in saying this in that we experienced some of the same with their mothers. Now accepted to their college, finances now get much of the family's attention. The real concern, however, should be the unexpected drama attached to this exit process: separation anxiety.

Parents, grandparents and especially siblings now become the recipients of this well worn defense mechanism: projection. In other words, finding fault in others makes this transformative process more palatable; greener pastures lie ahead. This fault finding period shouldn't be perceived as an emergency. No 911 call is needed. The real danger is when we personalize it. Give them space. But, in the end, make sure that they know that we'll be there for them if, and when, times call for it.

With the world on fire, literally and figuratively, let's not fan the flames by adding to their discomfort by placing on them unnecessary and unproductive career expectations. No stone etching should appear on the horizon. Remind them that even with passion and perseverance, change is inevitable. All we should ask of them is to do their best, as Doug Malloch offered in his inspirational poem "Be The Best Of Whatever You Are," whose final stanza says, "If you can't be a highway then just be a trail. / If you can't be a sun be a star. / It isn't by size that you win or you fail. / Be the best of whatever you are."

Bob Simmons

Arlington Heights