Learning to set boundaries may lead us to a better place

"Simply let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'no,' 'no.'"

- Matthew 5:37 (NIV)

When one of my younger family members asked me, "How do you say 'no'?" It made me stop and think of my own journey learning to say, "no."

It's not always easy and, at times, doesn't feel good. But when you understand it's necessary in a situation, you pray for emotional strength and do it. It's something you work on your whole life. There are still times I struggle to tell a friend "no."

I remember when I was younger and just learning about boundaries. Sometimes I used them unknowingly. Other times, I failed at it. Then I read in proverbs 29:25 that, "The fear of man is a snare."

This means don't be afraid to tell some "no" if it's what you feel is right, otherwise you are falling into a trap of your own device and go places you shouldn't go with people you shouldn't go with.

Jesus knew saying "no" was a problem for man. That's why he said keep it simple: say "yes" or "no." Some people have such a hard time saying "no" they are considered having what is known as an approval addiction. They say "yes" because they think by doing so they win the approval of another.

The problem with saying "no" when you would rather say "yes" keeps you from being true to yourself and God-given values. It's also going against what God may be telling you would be the best things for you. Saying "no" places a healthy space between you and another. Establishing healthy boundaries is a sign of wisdom.

Learning a few passages of Scripture helped me establish better boundaries. Like the one listed here: "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places." - Proverbs 16:6 (NIV)

An example of this is a story a dear friend shared with me years ago. She was struggling to like her job. Every morning she would meet with her co-worker and complain about their workload. They did this at their breaks and throughout the day.

One day she realized she needed her job; it offered her good pay and benefits. So she made the decision to quit complaining about it. Then she slowly pulled away from her disgruntled co-worker, establishing a healthy boundary for herself.

About six months later, she was offered a promotion, which turned out to be job she loved. Her boundary took her to a pleasing place.

She saw the reality of the Bible passage come to life.

Boundaries take time and patience to establish. And we may never set them perfectly. But as with all of God's commandments, they will lead us to a better life.

• Annettee Budzban is a Christian author, speaker, life coach and nurse. She can be contacted at annetteebudzban@aol.com or (847) 543-8413.