The bereaved can feel blue in the 'week between'

Well, here we are now, squarely into 2023. A new year with its own promises, resolutions and challenges. I always write down my resolutions, but of course don't always do them.

This past week, between Christmas and New Year, is always a pretty special time. A sort of holiday “no man's land,” fraught with some pitfalls. There has already been lots of celebrating.

So it's sort of a lull before the storm. Well, not a storm, more like a buffer getting ready for the New Year's feast or party, or both. My New Year was actually very low-key, as usual — no party but pleasant. Although it was just the kitties and me, I did cook a nice dinner and have some special treats.

There are actually other holidays that have these periods of extra time for reflection and traditional activities. For instance, Hanukkah is celebrated over eight nights. When I was a kid, the Easter holiday spanned from Good Friday to Easter Monday, four days. There was no school on Easter Monday, maybe longer if travel was involved. Thanksgiving is usually a Thursday through Sunday holiday. And some take a couple extra vacation days to visit relatives.

In addition, there are annual holidays midweek or Mondays that provide a little break in the flow of a normal week — such as St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day. They cause special parties, or dinners, and become a “short workweek.” Ever since some of the traditional holidays were moved to Mondays, this creates some long weekends for many.

I am glad for these extended holidays; they give us a little more personal time, a breather, a break from the usual routine. I think they are also very positive for the bereaved for many of the same reasons. They provide more chances to join in with family and friends.

But on the other hand, for some, this extra holiday time also creates more time to miss our loved one who is no long here with us. So while others are enjoying the extended periods of celebrating or other fun activities, we may be brooding and feeling sad on these extra days, actually longing to get back to a normal daily routine or work.

Odd isn't it? Life and emotions are so complex.

So what to do? Think about it. We have more holidays on the horizon — Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day (which is really a secular holiday in practice), Easter and Passover, all coming up soon.

Here we go. It's time to get our personal protections up.

“Know thyself” is a good place to start. I don't know how you did over Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year. I did pretty well, all things considered. But even some of these minor holidays can be a challenge — Valentine's Day for sure. If your beloved has died, even years ago, this holiday may dredge up some very sad feelings. Baheej always made it into a big celebration, just the two of us. It became a weeklong event in his hands.

This year, I have personally taken a proactive approach to Valentine's Day. I had a replica pair of some favorite old earrings made for me, originally a gift from Baheej but I lost one years ago. I picked the new ones up recently and will wear them on Valentine's Day 2023. Such little games may sound a bit childish, but can be helpful. Know thyself. We need all the protections and defenses we can get.

And I'm even thinking ahead to Easter, a very big holiday in Nazareth and throughout the Holy Land. Here also. But there it's even bigger than Christmas in terms of celebration and family events. Baheej loved Easter season and so do I. So I've already got it in my sights. I'll cook the traditional food of course.

Here we are 2023. Always going forward. What does that mean? To me, it means we need to take the matters we can somewhat control into our own hands.

The point is: For the bereaved, it's worth thinking about what works for you on the big holidays, and special birthdays or anniversaries. Not just let them happen and catch you off guard. This is what I mean by protections and defenses. Know thyself.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.