Ancient philosophers understood the wisdom of 'one day at a time'

Most have heard the contemporary saying, "one day at a time." And also the ideas about "living in the present" or "being in the moment."

These are often invoked in times or stress or sadness, in times of hardship or grief.

Fresh grief can be so disorienting and intense that taking "one day at a time" can be a useful coping mechanism. Just get through the day until you can get a grip.

I know when my beloved Baheej died, the first three months after the funeral week went by in a fog for me. I don't remember much about that period. I'm sure I was taking things one day at a time.

Living in the present is an interesting idea. I think it usually means to appreciate, or at least notice, what's going on around you, right now. Don't let the moment slip away by living in the past or waiting for the future. It might also mean we don't have to bear the whole world on our shoulders at all times, but we can take it in manageable installments - and even take time to stop and smell the roses.

Well, as it turns out, these bits of advice are not really modern ideas, but seem to be rooted in the writings of the ancient Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

"Trouble not thyself by pondering life in its entirety. Rather, as each occasion arises in the present, put this question to thyself. Where lies the unbearable, unendurable part of the task? Next recall to mind that neither the past nor future can wear you down, only the present. And the present will shrink to littleness if thou but set it aside, assign it its boundaries, and then ask thy mind if it avail not to bear even this!"

- Marcus Aurelius, 121-180 AD

All this is very well and good, but as I've mentioned before, in grief and in other times of stress, it is good to have a plan for at least tomorrow. One day is OK. But when you wake up tomorrow, it's very helpful to have a plan of action. Something to do, something to accomplish, a reason to get out of bed. And, along with it, some sort of daily routine that takes the day in hand. You do not have to follow a plan rigidly, but don't face the day with an empty slate either. You can always change the plan if something else materializes.

In traditional societies, such as in Nazareth where Baheej grew up, there is a lot of social support when grief or hardships strike. But in modern society, we have our families and often not much else in the way of social support and comfort. Perhaps you have a loving church community or small circle of friends, both which have good intentions but do not always know what to do or say that will really help.

So the point is: Fresh grief needs some extraordinary coping actions, if only just to able to function. And that's where "one day at a time" and "living in the present" are very useful. Eventually it's helpful to have a plan for tomorrow, and even a few things planned for the near future. It helps us get an anchor down, hard as it is.

It doesn't have to be a big plan, just something to do or accomplish.

And many ideas about coping with grief and the stresses of life are not new but were already known by the ancient philosophers and by traditional societies. This gives one perspective on the continuity and resilience of humanity.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.