Guest columnist Lauren Carr: A letter to the broken-hearted from a mass shooting survivor

Another day, another heartache. Another mass shooting, more innocent lives taken, another list of names of those gone too soon.

This time, tragedy is only 45 minutes away from home. It feels like after each mass shooting, it becomes harder and harder to have faith in humanity. Shock, awe, sadness and anger. I know how you feel.

On Feb. 14, 2008, I was in a mass shooting at Northern Illinois University. I was sitting in the third row when a gunman burst into the classroom through a door on the stage. I saw the first shot go off toward the center, back of the classroom. I saw the shooter and the menacing look in his eyes. I was close to him, about 15 feet away.

I dropped down to the floor and began army crawling up the aisle to flee the gunman. However, as I was army crawling I saw people getting shot and falling down around me. My laptop was shot, there were bullet holes in my chair, I was in the middle of gunfire. However, I looked up and saw light coming in through the door someone pushed open, I thought, “I'm going to die trying.” Standing up and running away from a mass shooter is by far the scariest thing I've ever experienced. The fear of him firing and striking the back of my head. The fear of never making it out alive. The fear of never seeing my friends and family again. I was consumed with fear.

As a person, I'm devastated by the mass shooting in Highland Park. As a survivor, I'm infuriated that this is still happening 14 years after NIU. Something has to give. But in the meantime, I feel as though it's my responsibility to use my experience to help others heal who are in similar situations.

I first want to offer some advice: Allow yourself to feel the emotions you feel. Be angry, feel sad, be infuriated and let those feelings run their course. It's completely natural to feel this way, especially after a traumatic situation.

I bet there are a million questions running through your head. Why did this happen? Maybe if I would've stayed home, my friends and family would still be alive. Maybe if I would've done x, y, z this wouldn't have happened.

I'm here to tell you that it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You were celebrating a holiday with those closest to you when chaos ensued. I know you may be overtaken with fear to even leave your house, and that's OK. After the shooting happened in 2008, I couldn't leave my house, I couldn't go grocery shopping, I couldn't take a shower unless someone sat outside of it.

I was deeply paranoid someone would try to shoot me. Something I've learned after countless shootings in malls, movie theaters, schools and now a parade is don't live in fear. Don't let this stop you from living your life.

I know it may take a while before you can re-trust humanity, but healing is not linear. Take time to work through the fear and emotions you are feeling. Remember, if you stay in a place of loathing and anger, the shooter wins.

Don't let an act of violence cause you to become hardened to the world.

When the Fourth of July comes around next year, it will be difficult. The first year always is. But remember you have a support network composed of thousands of people in similar situations, and we are all here for you.

I know you may feel absolutely hopeless and downright gutted, but you have to hang on. It gets better. I know your heart is heavy, I hear you. I want you to know you are never alone.

Sometimes it's hard to find and hold on to hope. But please hold onto these words if you're struggling.

I want to express my condolences and the heartache I share with the families who've lost loved ones to the tragic shootings in Highland Park and Robb Elementary School and the many victims of gun violence in Chicago. It's not fair and it doesn't make sense.

I share in your pain, frustration and sadness. My thoughts are with anyone who has experienced gun violence.

Don't give up. Don't lose hope. You are not alone.

• Lauren Carr, of Carol Stream, works as a dental assistant in Glen Ellyn who strives to spread hope and healing to everyone around her.