Wild interstate traffic a metaphor for changes the bereaved face

I've always considered myself a rather brave sort. Up for a challenge, able to handle tough situations. I've been driving since I was 14.5 years old. I learned on a stick shift. I can parallel park, which is not needed much anymore. And I did pass my recent license renewal, no problem.

However, I wonder if the traffic has gotten wilder the last few years. It seems so to me.

On the way to a meeting last month, I took I-90, the main interstate around here, and it was quite horrifying. Six or seven lanes of traffic, three or four each way, running 80 miles an hour toward downtown Chicago, trucks whizzing around. Terrible, and obviously dangerous.

I thought to myself, "I hope I'm not losing my nerve," as I vowed to get off as soon as possible, which I did. I did get to my meeting, but it took a while for me to settle down from the fright. Then I realized what else had changed. The traffic was indeed faster, and the roads wider, and more trucks than in years past, but there was more.

I realized that "wild traffic" is just more harrowing since Baheej died. Because we were usually driving together, commuting to Chicago daily, but he was driving, not me! I was, so to speak, the co-pilot, the navigator - watching the road signs, turns and exits, etc. But now I'm alone out there, and also out of practice!

So when I went to another meeting in the same area last week, I took the back roads. Not exactly back roads but roads through the suburbs along the way. The roads people used before the interstate highways took over. Here, they are roads such as Route 72 and Route 68, which also lead toward Chicago, but with local traffic. There were lots of stop lights of course. Practical problems need practical solutions. We don't need stress that can be avoided, especially when bereaved.

The point is: We face a lot of changes after the death of a beloved partner or spouse or best friend. And one of them is that we are more alone for regular activities, such as driving to some destination. We used to do most activities together, or with a friend or parent or sibling. Not alone. We usually think of the emotional, daily living, and often financial changes we face after a death. But it turns out there are many very practical changes to cope with as well. For me, I've solved the wild traffic dilemma by simply taking the "back roads" or "side roads" - not always the shortest or fastest way to get there, but with the help of my GPS, an easy drive that makes the trip enjoyable!

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.