Guest columnist Manmohan Kaur: Being Sikh, American rooted in family identity

My dad was 10 years old in 1947 when his state of Punjab was hastily split down the middle by the retreating colonial British. According to the BBC, "one million died and 15 million were displaced as Muslims fled to Pakistan and Hindus and Sikhs headed in the opposite direction."

The actual numbers are estimated to be much higher. My dad traveled stuffed in a train lavatory with other members of his family. My mom's family survived the journey; they were in a train just before the infamous massacred train. Independence of India came at a very great cost to the people of Punjab. They never talk about the horror of that time - it is too personal, too painful and while they say time heals, I guess there has not been enough time yet.

Sixty-some years later, as my parents and I were driving through Punjab on our pilgrimage to the Golden Temple, my dad shared with us that his family's first stop after the partition was Duraha Mandi, a tiny place east of the border, where they were left to fend for themselves. The then 10-year-old would ride a bicycle to the city Ludhiana some 25 kilometers away, buy fruit and sell it back at Duraha Mandi. It took a couple years before the family gathered enough financial stability for the kids to go back to school.

He matriculated from tenth grade at 16 and after much hardship and hard work, he obtained a diploma in civil engineering. This allotted him a two-room accommodation, so his parents and four siblings joined him and his family was together once again. In 1984 they were to endure yet another massacre during the anti-Sikh riots in independent India.

This April, as we celebrate the Illinois Sikh Awareness and Appreciation Month, I can't but think about the struggles and the triumphs of my parents. They started their livelihood from nothing, just memories of a prosperous childhood followed by bloodshed and strife. Their socio-economic status and physical appearance made them stand out in Delhi. They were always the "other," and they were subjected to Jim Crowe-type of jokes. In spite of this, I always found my parents in "Chardi kala," a state of ever-rising optimism. They followed the three basic principles of Sikhism: "Naam Japna, Kirt Karni, Vand Chhakna" meaning meditate, work hard and share the fruits of your labor. "Ora et Labora" - pray and work, as St. Benedict said. My parents could not attend college and did not live a life of luxury. However, they created a simple and content life for themselves and provided for their families and friends through sheer hard work and positivity.

The Sikh holy book teaches, "Mun, too jot saroop hai, apnaa mool pachaan." O my mind, you yourself are the incarnation of the divine spirit, recognize your worth. Aren't these also some great American values?

Perhaps this is why when my life brought me to the United States as a graduate student, I knew how to put my nose to the ground and work until things get better. My parents had instilled the love of learning and stressed the importance of education as I was growing up. After I worked a lecturer at the University of Delhi in India, got married and was blessed with a lovely child,

I became one of the few women students in the mathematics Ph.D. program at a Top 10 school, the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Teaching and learning mathematics consumed me, but I dearly missed my parents, cousins, family and friends in India. The most painful part was having to leave our 2-year-old daughter with my parents in India during the first semester as I figured my way around the new country, got my driver's license and looked for day-care arrangements for her.

When I came back to UIUC in the fall, this time with my daughter, the place was beautiful. My one-bedroom apartment in the family housing at Orchard Downs was wonderful. There were swing sets and people from all around the world. There was so much to learn and discover.

I found some friends - or did they find me? A fellow graduate student taught me how to use chopsticks, another introduced me to carrot cake. One showed my daughter how to throw paper planes and helicopters down the stairs of Altgeld Hall while I worked in the library.

Our beloved daughter was growing up fast, and soon another lovely angel came into our lives to complete our family. We gave her a Punjabi name that means "blessing." It became clear that we had been accepted into the American melting pot. It was almost like we had changed from within - when we went back to India, we experienced a reverse culture shock.

And then 9/11 happened. The frivolity of life once again became apparent and we decided to apply for U.S. citizenship. The day I took my citizenship oath, I was sad, as I had to let go of my Indian citizenship. But the very next day, was equally unforgettable. My colleagues at work surprised me with a cake decorated with stars and banners and my office decorated in red, white and blue. They had welcomed me officially with open arms. I belonged to Illinois.

Sikhism is the 5th largest religion in the world after Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism. With over 30 million Sikhs worldwide and 500,000 in the United States, 25,000 Sikhs live in Illinois. Most Sikh Americans are first- or second-generation immigrants focused mainly on survival in a new country and culture. As in all immigrant families, the children juggle identities between school and home. While the parents struggle to keep their culture and traditions alive, the children struggle with finding their place in the American multicultural landscape.

Culture gaps and societal ills such as domestic abuse and mental health are present as in every other community. Parents and children both feel pressured to fit the role of the "model minority" and work very quietly and very hard to succeed in their jobs and studies.

Many members of the Sikh American community wear turbans. The turban signifies equality and defiance to authoritarian rule, because in the earlier days, only the royalty or upper castes were allowed to wear certain types of turbans. Sikhs take great pride in their turban and consider it a mark of respect and honor.

While the beard and turban are articles of faith, Sikhs are often mistaken for being Islamic radicals. Since 9/11, many hate crimes have been committed against Sikh Americans. A simple Google search on "hate crime Sikh" brings up many more news articles on this topic.

These crimes are due to misunderstanding and lack of awareness and education. In August 2019, Gov. Pritzker declared April as Illinois Sikh Awareness and Appreciation Month.

Now in their mid-80s, my parents live in their own home in Bangalore in India. I sometimes wonder - where do they really belong?

• Manmohan Kaur, of Naperville, is a professor of mathematics at Benedictine University in Lisle.