Though grieving, let's not lose our sense of adventure
One of the many effects grief has on us is it can dampen our motivation and our sense of adventure — not just after the immediate death, but in the years following it.
Some of us just don't feel like doing the activities we enjoyed before. A big part of this is because we lost our companion, whether it be a beloved spouse, a parent, a cousin or best friend. Going places and doing things just may be unappealing without them.
I'm a great one to talk! I haven't been on one of our countless trips abroad since my dear Baheej died. We were always on the move. It just doesn't appeal to me anymore. Because I traveled so much in business and our private life, I really don't have the urge, and I have been happy to just to stay at home.
However, recently I was thinking of a road trip we took many years ago to the Gaspe Peninsula up in Quebec province, Canada. Of course that's a French-speaking province, so it felt very different from a Canadian trip to an English-speaking area.
We didn't speak French but Baheej's father spoke French and so did Baheej's aunts. They were Arabic speakers in Nazareth, but French was their secret language, which Baheej and his brothers couldn't understand. They went to French schools in Alexandria, Egypt. However, Baheej was good at languages and picked up some words and phrases growing up, which helped us up in the Gaspe.
Anyway, the Gaspe Peninsula is a very wild and remote area, sparsely populated, and beautiful. It was a wonderful adventure. There is breathtaking landscape and countryside dotted with small villages and churches with white steeples on hills above the villages. The little houses were white with brightly colored trim around the roof and windows, and with brightly painted front doors. With red, bright green colors, bright purple, orange and other strong colors, these houses lit up the countryside.
Most houses had chairs in the front yard facing the road, and people watched the few cars go by instead of looking at the scenic water views or pretty countryside. We supposed this was because of the social isolation; residents were more interested in the occasional passerby.
One afternoon we saw a little motel called The Oasis. We considered this a sign because Baheej was writing a novel at the time and he was using the working title of “The Oasis.” So we stopped for the night and had a tasty supper at a local cafe. We felt we were sort out on the frontier.
We enjoyed that whole road trip so much. On the way back, we spent some time in Quebec City, which was fascinating — very French, full of music, people, street performers and sidewalk cafes, with excellent food. This was quite a contrast to the Gaspe. Then we followed the road along the St. Lawrence River on the way home, staying one night in an old river castle south of Quebec. It was a private home converted into a hotel run by the local government, of all things, to promote the tourist industry.
The hotel was very plush, yet reasonable priced. All of this was definitely an adventure. Baheej was always ready for an adventure in traveling. I have photos of that trip a long time ago. We still lived in Massachusetts then. We were very young.
Well, the point is: I may not want to take off to the Gaspe Peninsula on a road trip these days, but it's a reminder that there are still adventures and new experiences out there.
Everything in it's own time, of course. Yet an adventure is worth giving some thought. Even small adventures can be invigorating. I'm thinking …
• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.