Gincoin: It can only go up

What with a plate of diner ham and eggs costing nearly $11, I either have to get rich or get a better job. Getting a better job sounds hard.

OK, so now I got a business plan. I'll get rich.

Starting today, I'm issuing Gincoin, the most cryptic currency ever, and I'm the Crypto Keeper.

I call it "Gincoin" because I'm going to use a lot of the money I make to buy gin. Nothing washes down a diner breakfast like a water glass full of warm gin. I live in America, where the substance abuse starts when the workday used to start when Granddad worked in a steel mill like a loser.

I've already taken several thousand big sheets of paper and torn them into several million tiny pieces of paper. Each bit of paper will cost $1, and will be your receipt. Also, that tiny little piece will be what you can sell to other people when Gincoin soars to maybe $2.

And why wouldn't it go up? Donald Trump was president. Tucker Carlson has his own television show. Some restaurants have gotten people to eat fried chicken sandwiches for breakfast. It's America. Anything can happen.

You think this can't make you rich? Heck, if I sell several million Gincoin, I'M going to be rich. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you! If you don't believe that, you're a bloody socialist, and you should go live in some socialist hellhole like Canada. The raw, American flag-scented freedom of Gincoin is why our troops fought in Afghanistan.

You can't lose with Gincoin! Know why?

Because it represents absolutely nothing, that's why.

If you buy Walmart stock and every Walmart in the country burns down, what have you got? Nothing. Just a pile of worthless paper. But Gincoin has no business, no buildings, no trucks, no workers and no inventory. We've got nothing to lose, so we can't lose.

Let's say you give me $1,000 for 1,000 shares of Gincoin. Here's what happens.

I'm up $1,000. But you have something you can sell to other savvy investors, and that drives the price up, up, up! And there are millions of shares, so you can buy as many as you want. When you buy more Gincoins, the price goes up, so you're actually making money by giving ME money! In no time at all, your $1,000 could be worth $2,000 or even $10,000.

INSIDER TIP: If your $1,000 investment becomes worth $10,000, don't sell out. Buy more. It's going up, right? And if Gincoin dips, don't cash out then either. Buy more. It's on sale, right?

This is America. You can make money here by buying nothing and selling it for more than it's worth. And it's EASY. That's why so many working-class people eventually become millionaires - because there are so many ways to make money.

We're all gonna get rich. Me first. Then you.

© 2021, Creators