We are never really alone, but you may feel that way

Well, we are not alone in these times, in a several ways:

First of all, most are in touch with family and friends by telephone, email, texting, FaceTime, Facebook, Zoom or letters.

Secondly, everyone needs some love, so that's one of the hardest parts of the death of a beloved spouse, partner, parent, child or friend. The love you counted on from them is no longer here in reality, but it's still here in our feelings and memories.

There is a wonderful old song … "If tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I loved you. Will the love I gave you in the past, be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes." I can feel it. We still have our memories of being loved, so that helps one feel less alone.

Thirdly, I think most people who have pets are feeling less alone in this "stay-at-home" isolation. After all, they are not really alone, their pets are with them. Pets need to be fed, petted, played with, talked to, loved, brushed and, if the pet is a dog, walked outside. I'm confident having pets in the house helps children or grandchildren who are at home most of the time these days.

Pets are really good company. They pad around the house, cuddle or sit by you, even communicate with you. It's easy to learn dog or cat "language." They have a wide array of vocalizations, barks, meows, facial looks, body language, etc., that communicate their feelings, affection, wants and needs. And they learn English, Spanish, any language really, and understand human gestures and body language, and even our moods. Birds, horses of course, and all animals understand a lot and respond to human kindness.

I've heard people say they don't know what they, or their family, would do without their dogs or cats and other pets in these strange times. I can understand this completely because, as many know, I have two sweet kitties that I've raised since they were 3 months old. They have a big understanding of English vocabulary. They are great home buddies to each other and to me.

It's a good time to consider getting a pet. There are hundreds of lovely pets in your local animal shelters needing a good home. Locally, the Anderson Animal Shelter in Elgin is a great source to find a pet, and there's an excellent animal shelter in Huntley. There is lots of info out there on how to take care of a dog or cat; books, online sites and neighbors who know how and can advise you.

Fourth, when I just need to talk with someone, I call them. Most people are at home and willing to listen and talk about what's going on, and how you are doing, and how they are doing. Just call to chat and sometimes commiserate about the state of the world. This always helps.

When bereaved, we survive and eventually build a new lifestyle - yes, we survive but are never quite the same. If we have lost our beloved spouse or partner, or our dear parent, dearest sibling or friend, our life has changed. No way around it, our identity is altered but our sense of self can stay intact.

And, in many ways, you may feel the same inside. I'm always amazed at the continuity in sense of self. I've noticed, for instance, that no matter how old I get, that core feeling I had about myself when much younger is still there, intact. When I look in the mirror, I know the original person is still in there. Maybe wiser, certainly some changes, but the core is still there - myself still feeling young inside and doing pretty well.

The point is: We are not really alone. Even in these strange times. We can call, we can text, we can email, we can enjoy what we have. We can be who we are. That's what I'm doing. It's working so far.

I love my kitties and they love me, too. They're happy little beings and fun to have around. I enjoy taking care of them and they return the feeling. This also helps.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com. See previous columns at www.dailyherald.com/topics/Anderson-Kleif-Susan.