Why I treated myself to flannel shirts this winter

I had not bought myself new clothing for ages. I didn't really need anything because I have lots of nice clothes to wear. Right now I don't go anywhere, so I don't wear them.

When bereaved, we need to try hard to think of cheerful actions we can take to lift our spirits.

What I do is "just be here," around the house. While the weather is so cold, I keep the house warm, but still …

So I bought myself four new flannel shirts, all nice patterns - one red and blue plaid, a black-and-white called Black Watch, Smith (blue plaid with a gold streak), and Rob Roy, which is a red and black large checked. I even bought a pair of black jeans. I haven't had flannel shirts or black jeans for years, so it was fun to get something different.

I thought about my dear Baheej before I did it. It was a lot of shirts. He usually didn't wear flannel (too hot for him). But he'd say: "Good for you." And I am enjoying them. It's my lumberjack winter.

It has been a strange winter in many ways. First of all, there was very little snow until just before New Year's Eve. The weather was mild way into December. It was one those long autumns. This has happened before in Sleepy Hollow, but only a few times in the last 29 years. Usually snows starts setting in during November. Well, that was a treat, especially this year when feeling rather trapped at home. I mustn't grumble when I am comfortable.

I just made a tuna casserole. I also have not done that for ages. I just got the bug. Now I use no-grain pasta. The dish was OK except for one mistake. I added some kippered herring and that has such a strong flavor. It took over the tuna and the whole dish. I don't know what possessed me to do that. It was still good, but too much. I should stick to the real recipes!

Anyway, all these fish thoughts remind me of many fun trips to Sweden, Finland, Denmark and Norway. We probably were in Finland 10 times over 40 years - mostly Helsinki, which is a lovely place, and Turku, a very old town on the other coast. Both are wonderful.

Helsinki is a small, manageable city full of art, music and dance. It was once a little agricultural area but now is a high-tech and design powerhouse. All the local culture and traditional atmosphere is still there. It's a harbor town on the East Coast of Finland.

Baheej and I also spent a lot of time in Sweden over the years, and fish dishes for breakfast are part of the morning smorgasbord. Not tuna but pickled herring of many varieties, crayfish salad, poached salmon, smoked salmon, baked salmon, white fish and such. And cream sauces. These thoughts help me a lot with bereavement, and especially now that we are so isolated at home, with much time to think and reflect.

I would like to go again to Stockholm and the North of Sweden up inside the Arctic circle to Kiruna; I'd love to see the midnight sun again. We were there in the North at the exact height of the midnight sun one year. Daylight all night.

The people stayed in the hotel pub and ate and drank all night. All were so happy and laughing. We met lots of nice people. We've also been there when it's dark 24/7. Perhaps I will again when all this coronavirus is under control.

I would like to stay again at the Grand Hotel in Stockholm where we had so many happy and luxurious days every few years. It's a city built on many islands with bridges connecting. It's not happier or nicer than here, yet it's still especially fun. And sparkling in the winter. Lights and candles everywhere. And winter is the opera and concert season, so lots of entertainment.

Now, crayfish. This is a delicacy. The crayfish are eaten at special dinner parties with friends in August all across Scandinavia, especially Sweden and Finland. We've been to such dinners in Finland, including one on a large, long table at a restaurant out on an island in the harbor. Friends having fun together. It was very expensive, as are all things in Scandinavia (but delicious!).

The Swedes freeze some of the crayfish after the August season and make a very tasty cold crayfish salad later in the year for the Christmas and New Year smorgasbords.

My kitty Sheba was the beneficiary of my morning's fish casserole experiment - she got a little tuna juice and a couple bites of the finished dish. She likes cream and herring too. Cats can have a few bites of certain people food once in a while. No more than 10% of their day's food. And not every day.

The point is: We really do need to do something nice for ourselves every so often. Especially when bereaved, it's so easy to neglect yourself. I have written before about "treat yourself" and I think once in a while it is important to do so.

As the winter drags on, this is good to remember. Sometimes treats are really just a little something special - something not usually eaten or done, something different. I'm thinking, what's next? … and in the meantime I will wear my flannel shirts all winter.

• Susan Anderson-Khleif of Sleepy Hollow has a doctorate in family sociology from Harvard, taught at Wellesley College and is a retired Motorola executive. Contact her at sakhleif@comcast.net or see her blog longtermgrief.tumblr.com.