Game must be rigged

The Chicago Bears got crushed by the Green Bay Packers? Didn't happen. Obviously the game was fixed. Though the Bears won by 50 points, the National Football League conspired with the NFL Referees Association, Green Bay fans, State Farm Insurance, traitorous Bears personnel, the (probably Venezuelan) company that made the electronic scoreboard, Fox Sports, and WBBM radio, to pretend that the Bears lost. This hoax cannot stand.

NFL bigwigs hate the Bears and are trying to steal this game. There's plenty of evidence of fraud. Clearly someone drugged Mitch Trubisky; why else would such a great quarterback misfire on key passes like never before? Officials "missed" a Green Bay face mask violation, yet everyone knows that officials always call all deserved penalties. (Some say the officials have secret bank accounts to hide Green Bay bribes, and that one official was born in Kenya.)

What about the Bears' awful play? Rumor is that State Farm, for which Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers does commercials, gave big insurance discounts to certain Bears in return for poor performance. Incredible: the conspiracy includes members of the Bears team!

Fox Sports television purposely created the illusion that the Packers won. WBBM radio used auditory hypnosis to mislead listeners to the same conclusion. All other media went along with the hoax. And there's more: for example, Rodgers has a beard; so did Marx and Lenin. Coincidence? Yeah, sure.

I want to file multiple lawsuits. But I'll need financial support. To help, bring cash (unmarked tens and twenties) to the corner of Main and St. Charles in Lombard at midnight tomorrow. If I'm not there, the conspirators got to me. Then it's you who must carry on the fight.

Ken Marshall

Lombard